EXXPLORER LYRICS

1. Intro

Ave Maria,
gratia plena,
Dominus tecum.
Benedicta tu in mulieribus,
et benedictus fructus ventris tui,
Jesus

Ave Maria,
Mater Dei,
ora pro nobis peccatoribus,
nunc et in hora mortis nostrae.

2. Disfigured

[a) Among Them]

Pictures of god
And sin
And the pain
I’ve caused
Others and myself
Float through
My mind
Like crippled angels
Who can neither land
Nor find peace

Sadly,
I find myself among them

[b) Disfigured]

Somebody help me,
Somebody save me,
I want to drag
A blade across my face
I’m in conflict
With that Christ again,
Like some unholy
Martyr who’s dying for sin
I want to burn, yeah,
I want to bleed
You think I’m kidding man,
I’m real as real can be
I’ve been feeling
Those demons again,
Let my cross-eyed
Suicide of spirit begin

I feel tight, tight as a fist
And somehow blind
Like a mind full of ignorance
Turned away from the light
Pushed away from the light
Drawn away from the light
I wish Judas would kiss me,
And take me down,
Before I hurt the ones who love me now

I am disfigured, out of control
I am disfigured, let my face match my soul

Open your eyes Christ, don’t turn away
All I do, I do for you
That your pain not be in vain

3. Erotopathic

Feeling ugly and getting scared
And it’s all so empty when no one’s there
I feel the pounding, pounding, pounding fist
Inside my head explode
As memories of my disease
Rip through my mind and rape my soul

I need you…I need you…I need you
To make me feel pretty
You make me feel so pretty

My angels hold me,
They gently wrap me in their wings
And I feel safe here – safe from everything
I feel the pounding,
Pounding crucifix
Inside my head explode
And even eve in eden
Couldn’t hide that smile
When the truth was told

I need you…I need you…I need you
To make me feel holy
Holy mary, mother of god, pray for us sinners

I want to be your everything
I want to be your Christ
Oh honey let me, let me be your savior
Let me, let me be your life
And I would love to have you love me
It’s just that you could never trust me

I need you, I need you, I need you
To make me feel pretty
I need you, I need you, I need you
To make me feel holy
I need you, I need you, I need you
To make me feel dirty
I need you, I need you,
I need you, I need you.

4. Fixed And Dilated

[a) Fixed And Dilated]

I can taste my own venom
In the back of my throat
I’ve kept it hidden
As long as I could

The angry child inside me
Baptized in gentility
Was raised on cruelty
In a violent world

The urge to kill still tickles
Like a maggot that wiggles
In the skin of a kitten
And these words that I’ve written
Won’t deaden the nerve

You don’t look blind
And yet you wonder why
We are this way
It’s as plain as the blood in our veins

I have always turned the other cheek
As though the face I’d strike,
Would be my own

And all the fists that I’ve denied
Conspire against my gentle side
When mercy leaves I am diseased
A plague of rage come over me

Are we here to pray for each other?
Or are we here to prey on each other?

On each other?
For each other?

[b) Bloody And Unfocused]

All my anger
And hatred
Once turned inward
Now spun outward

A tornado of shattered glass
Bloody and unfocused

If you think
For one minute
You can overlook me,
You are wrong

Through music,
Through art
Or through violence
I will not be ignored

I would rather empty a clip
Into your brain
And then mine
Than walk away from this
Without satisfaction

Did you hear me?
I would rather kill you
Than walk away from this
Without satisfaction

5. Seething In Oblivion

Here I am standing
And yet somehow crippled
A stone never thrown
Can’t create its own ripples
I’m a mouthful of spit
That gets lost in a drizzle
And now
That I’m angry
I’m fist ‘round a pistol
And every day brings me
A little bit closer to a
Bitter explosion of venom and piss
And all that I’ve seen
And all that I’ve been
Could never have made me ready for this

All I want to know is: do I have to…?

I have nothing: I am nothing
More than anything
I want to be something
If it’s something you fear,
I don’t care.
Just something

All I want to know is:
Do I have to fuckin’
Kill someone?!

Look at you, look at me
Look at you and I see:
Victim and statistic
Look at you, look at me
Look at you and I see:
A victim…a victim.

But now it’s time to let it go…let it go
Before it takes me away – take me away

6. Acrostic 1

a fIre CreAtiNg nOt oNe.
aLwaYs a BreEd
aGe oFf cOloR, i oFf
cOloRinG.
blInd, VilE.
doNatEd aSseS.

(I can only beg for forgiveness)

7. Van Gogh's Ear

These are words that paint a picture
A picture of love
Words not unspoken
Words not unclear
Words I fear she’ll never hear
Van Gogh’s ear

I’m not gonna break down
I’m not gonna break down
No…not again
I don’t want to break down
Please don’t make me break down
Not again

My life: a still life
Where icicles cry
Tears fall like rain
Walls whisper her name
And I can hear through
Van Gogh’s ear

I’m not gonna break down
I’m not gonna break down
No…not again
I don’t want to break down
Please don’t make me break down

All my faults open wide
And I fall down inside, my broken heart

8. Snake And Scorpion

Welcome to my void child
Welcome to a place where nothing grows

I am sickness
I am disease
I am worthless, I am nothing
I am the death of love it seems
And now I’ve taught you how to hate me
Like every other soul,
I’ve ever touched before
And I am sorry
God I’m sorry

I am the wasteland
A heart of desert sand
A servant of lust and her demands
And I am snake
I am scorpion
I am walking evil, a cold and venomous one
I am, oh I can
I can only hurt you

I am the wasteland
I am the wasteland
I am the wasteland
I am the wasteland,
Never love the sand

9. Acrostic 2

trIbe ForEst
EviL crY blOod
UseR coPulAte. IroNic
BetRay.
OmiT a pHasE. paRnaSsiAn paraNoiD.
diSdaIn aSceTic EmpResS.

(I feel your pain, brothers and sisters)

10. Billion Dollar Babies

[originally by Alice Cooper]

Billion dollar baby
Rubber little lady, slicker than a weasel
Grimy as an alley
Loves me like no other lover

Billion dollar baby
Rubber little monster, baby, I adore you
Man or woman living
couldn't love me like you, baby

We go dancing nighty in the attic
While the moon is rising in the sky
If I'm too rough, tell me
I'm so scared your little
head will come off in my hands

I got you in the dimestore
No other little girl could everhold you
Any tighter, any tighter than me, bay

Billion dollar baby
Reckless like a gambler,
million dollar maybe
Foaming like a dog
that's been infected by the rabies

We go dancing nighty in the attic
While the moon is rising the sky
If I'm too rough, tell me
I'm so scared your little
head will come off in my hands

Million dollar baby
Billion dollar bay
Trillion dollar baby
Zillion dollar baby

11. Acrostic 3

deW beE boB beE alL poI beE reV beE
poI caN brA buM beE caR
roC poI ofF
flU alL doG toO goD

(We believe in a merciful god)

12. Bloodletting

I’ll cut myself open,
So that you can read me
And stretch my wound wide
Are you sure you can see?
Blood never lies
And I won’t deceive you
Open your eyes
And feast on the sight of the truth

Let the blood flow, let the words go
I won’t make it any clearer than that
If you don’t understand me
Or can’t comprehend me
Here’s a pearl for swine:
I bleed in a rhyme
I’m afraid I might die out here

I want to bleed for you
I want to bleed for you
I want you to bleed for me too
Bleed for me too. Like I for you

Where is the line that divides
Fiction from lies?
Blood floods over both of these,
Makes them small, like two drops in the seas

I get so tired of being lied to. Don’t you?

13. Poor Man

Man, I don’t know where
The money’s going to come from
I haven’t figured out

How I’m going to heat my house
If Jesus saves, maybe I could get a loan
Maybe I should just give up,
And let the angels take me home

When the sunrise cries, she calls my name
She laughs at me and calls me slave
She spits right in my face

I survive on the charity of my family
I survive with some help from my friends
I’ve learned to lie and cheat my government
That only makes me as guilty as them

When the sunrise cries, she calls my name
She laughs at me and calls me slave
She spits right in my face

Save me please, I’m a poor, poor man
See my purse, I’m a poor, poor man
I don’t know, I’ve got no gold nor precious stones,
Nor any land to call my own, I can’t go on this way

14. My Noose

I feel myself falling
Down, down, down, down
When something pulls back
Hard against my throat

You can find me, you can find me
At the end of my rope
And you can find me, you can find me
At the end of my rope

Each day: one single strand
That choices twist as life demands
And I have blindly fashioned my own noose,
From all my days

I know I am only one lonely man,
One of a million empty souls who knows,
The fear and pain of being lost

I wish I had some lines and rhymes
To make you smile
Maybe next time, my child, I’ll find
That one hopeful song

15. That One Hopeful Song

I know how you feel child
I share your disease
And I know what it means
To be alive in times like these
You feel like dyin’

Are you: ugly and scared?
Turned away from the light?
At the end of your rope?
With no savior in sight?

But sometimes, out there,
Is a voice with wings that sings
And knows your name
And this is what she says:
“everything’s gonna be alright”

I’ve been where you’re going’ to
Through what you’re goin’ through
And I am dyin’ to
Help you get through it alive

Everything’s gonna be alright
Gonna be alright,
Gonna be alright,
…everything’ gonna be alright

Open your eyes,
Yes you’ve cried off to sleep
Your tears all have dried,
And they’ve washed the slate clean
The pain that you feel
Will just make you strong
And your wounds will all heal,
It won’t take too long

Alright, alright…
Everything’s gonna
Be alright, yeah.

16. Outro

Ave Maria,
gratia plena,
Dominus tecum.
Benedicta tu in mulieribus,
et benedictus fructus ventris tui,
Jesus

Ave Maria,
Mater Dei,
ora pro nobis peccatoribus,
nunc et in hora mortis nostrae.





EXXPLORER LYRICS