FOOTPRINTS IN THE CUSTARD LYRICS

33. Blue Waffle

[performed by Footprints in the Custard]

Before I say I love you there's something I must know,
What is that rancid stench that wafts from down below
Like plastic on the griddle and eggs left far too long,
My darling I must say your cunt smells fucking wrong

Put it back lock it away,
It's like a petrol station on a rainy day
The stench is so vile it just isn't fair,
It's like a scene from my sexual nightmares

Your Blue Waffle I shed a tear,
As I grit my teeth and swallow my fear,
Petrol hanger a fucking disgrace,
As its brought down low and pressed into my face
Your Blue Waffle I shed a tear,
As I grit my teeth and swallow my fear,
Petrol hanger a fucking disgrace,
As its brought down low and pressed into my face

Decaying before my eyes like spam left in the sun,
The thought of ploughing you is no longer so much fun
As I start to turn away sun rising in the east,
I see your boils of pus are festooned with yeast

What is that thing what does it do,
Why does it spurt with all hues of blue,
The stench is so vile it just isn't fair,
It's like a scene from my sexual nightmares

34. Ureaka! (I've Done It)

[performed by Footprints in the Custard]

Let me regale a tale of woe with such a bitter end
Involving a gig and lots of booze it's hard to comprehend
I found myself deep in my cups pissed out of my head
And with a bladder full to bursting I crawled into my bed
Horns of ale and pints of beer I'm filled to the brim
An alcoholic tug of war that I don't think I can win

Ureaka! I've done it!
The amber nectar flows
I got so drunk in the middle of Preston
I pissed all on my clothes
Ureaka! I've done it!
Made sense at the time
To cast off my blue denim jeans
And soak them in urine!

Bleary eyed, pounding skull I woke to dire straits
Discovering what I'd done last night when I opened the flood gates
A pool of shame and wee-wee upon my sisters floor
I knelt down and sobbed in the waste that I had poured
Koppabergs and Jager shots a veritable cocktail
I didn't know my night would end with such an epic fail

NOOOOOO!!!
My jeans?! What have I done?
I'm going to have to wash them...
No...

35. Jizzbolt

[performed by Footprints in the Custard]

I’ve got a secret no one should know
That reveals itself every time I get a blow
As if out of nowhere straight to the face
JizzBolt

Knocked to the ground, blinded by the light
Fury of the Gods, blistering and bright
The salty pent-up rage bears down upon
As tears, blood and semen now merge as one

It’s a guilty pleasure of mine
I’ll end them one whore at a time
As if out of nowhere straight to the face
JizzBolt

Knocked to the ground, blinded by the light
Fury of the Gods, blistering and bright
The salty pent-up rage bears down upon
As Tears, blood and semen now merge as one

JIZZ
JIZZ BOLTJIZZ
JIZZ BOLT
JIZZ
JIZZ BOLTJIZZ JIZZ
JIZZ BOLT YEAH

36. Wasted

[performed by Footprints in the Custard]

Happy Hour is here at last
Time to indulge in a liquid repast
Have the barkeep pour me a drink
Cause tonight I'm gonna forget how to think

Give me some more
(Dirty Pints)
Crash to the floor
(Whisky shots)
Oh, good God
(What is that?!)
I think I'm gonna be
My beer goggles
(Booze, booze, booze)
Are sewn on too tight
(Drink, drink, drink)
I can't see right
(Vom, vom, vom)
Wasted! Wasted!
This drunken haze
(Booze, booze, booze)
Is becoming a maze
(drink, drink, drink)
My eyes are glazed
(Vom, vom, vom)
Wasted! Wasted!

I'll tell you when I had enough
I'll drink beer from your Mum's muff
I went there I'll say it again
Have I ever told you you're my best friend

Okay, I see I've gone too far
Be a good time to jump in the car
Where are my keys? where is my scotch?
Why is there vomit all over my crotch?

37. Heat Of The Moment

[performed by Footprints in the Custard]

Met a girl at a local bar told her I was a big rock star
Sweet tattoos and long dark hair
I wanted in to her underwear
Line them up, knock them back damn this girl is great
But I didn’t know, when in the sack what she’d initiate

In the heat of the moment you can hear me scream
Part my butt cheeks open cram a finger in between
In the heat of the moment I feel like I could cry
With your fingernails up my shit trail kiss my dignity goodbye

Damn this girl was really fine I took her right on back to mine
I didn’t know and I’m not to blame
That she’d play me at my own game
Back at home another beer shit I was really drunk
I didn’t know, and I’m sincere she’d stick it where it stunk

(Oh! The shame...)
She’s spreading my cheeks
(Oh! The shame...)
That shit reeks
(Oh! The shame...)
Caressing my groove
(Oh! The shame...)
There’s no lube!
(Oh! The shame...)
Forage inside
(Oh! The shame...)
Swallow my pride
(Oh! The shame...)
Now she’s inside
Oh fuck... I’ve come

38. Taking The Black

[performed by Footprints in the Custard]

Have white and pasty wenches lost all of their allure,
Do you plough and churn the field and wish you could have more?
Don't you fret my lucky man a brave new world awaits,
To change your life forever walk through the black gates

Cut-throats and rapists bastards and thieves,
Honour and glory or death on your knees?
Stand your ground ring out the bell,
On my command unleash Hell
Winter is coming the choice has been made,
You can't turn away from the course that is laid,
You swore an oath and you can't take it back,
Cause when you take the black, you can never go back!

Oaths that can't be broken stay with you for life,
Turn your back on winter take shadow for a wife,
Turn away from sunshine you can't abide the light
You plunge our swords in darkness and thrust away all night

Black! as the flightless crow
Black! sends me down below
Black! set me on this track
I have taken the black I can never go back
Black! as the flightless crow
Black! sends me down below
Black! set me on this track
I have taken the black I can never go back

39. The End

[performed by Footprints in the Custard]








FOOTPRINTS IN THE CUSTARD LYRICS