JUDICATOR LYRICS

1. A Picture Of Fading Light

[Instrumental]

2. God's Failures

You, I demand your attention
A story would be told about a boy who's growing older now
Now's the time to dive inside your warped and tattered mind
The pieces do not fit the puzzle or your logic's path

And as I sit in the candlelight
A silhouette from behind

Failing gods
Into the shadows of my mind, mindful of the implications
Failing gods
Where was your god when brother died?
Failing gods
A cancer patient hopes he'll win
Failing gods
I'm by your side until the end

Punished by the hand of god for seizing fruit of knowledge
The metaphor made flesh, you'd carve me pound for pound

And as he rots in his death bed
I see his father with calloused eyes

There is no rhyme or reason

3. Cannibalistic Mind

Waste away for hours, slip away
The only way out of this cage
- you're wasting away -
By the window watching autumn leaves
My only break from reality

He lies in his agony
He'll die, this I feel, but
But what's the purpose behind?
He lies, shades of pink in the light
Implies terrible things will happen to all

Never had a normal life, I'm not the same
Severed ties to community
- your fears are legitimate -
Meander through hallways day by day
Leave my mind to die by day

The mind, when unfed it
It feeds, so insatiable
It eats itself
The mind, so unnourished
It eats any idea it comes in contact with

He lies to himself yet
He cries out for mercy, but still he keeps up his faith
He lies to the others, he cries when they ask him he's doing
I'm not

4. Coping Mechanism

You say I'm angry, I can't deny that it's burning in my veins
But that's only the symptom
You say I'm searching, I tell you now...the things that I have seen could crush your fragile state of mind

I call it folklore

Wander the moonscape, let your spirit fly
Disguised as strength and yet I never question why
Wander the moonscape, a dreamworld farewell
Your id desires freedom, subterfuge by self

Born in my mind, a seed of misanthropic fear
I can't identify as one of you and yet I know
It's not a phase, it's not a stretch...I'd love to rid myself this useless cage of human flesh

We call it folklore

Wander the hallways, let your spirit fly
Disguised as innocence, you never question why
Wander the hallways, a conscious farewell
Your id desires freedom, subterfuge by self

Wander the hospital, let your spirit fly
I am a lonely vessel, a candle in the night
Wander the hospital, subconscious farewell
Memories and time will fade, how long can broken ships sail?

Lies and lies from generations die
Yet I'm the only one who questions why we're here

5. My Fantasy Destroyed

I walk alone at night, hoping that I'll find epiphany or more...a deeper understanding

Always knew that I'd die alone, never thought that I'd find a home
Home, a different meaning, (for someone) who is solitary
Always knew that I'd die alone, never thought that I'd find someone
Someone to be by my side, to help me find the fleeting light

Full moon shines
I'm swimming in my deepest fears
Clouded skies
I'm treading in the blackened waves
Never mind
Something is here

Crashing waves
Relentless in my throbbing ears
Flowing blood
A highway jam that's in my head
Pounding fear
Time to reveal

Feeling now that my brother's tale doesn't have a happy end
End to a broken line, this wretched soul/observer
Always knew I was special, I...I am taken back by...
By the surreal feelings here, almost like a dream world here

Glowing moon
It's almost like a lucid dream
Lurking doom
Or is it just a catalyst
Never mind
Time to go back

Gentle wind
I look up to his room alight
So exposed
I'm standing naked in the rain
Now return...to numbing death

Cancer burns families down
Rips cracks into canyon walls
Step by step up to his room
Lying there, mother beside

Fantasy is torn apart, reality is fucking stark
Stark in the face of tears, eyes that show our fears
Mom caresses his withered hands, hold on tight and pray aloud
Loud is the comfort of men, yet they're silent in their pride

Indoor breeze
This surely cannot happen now
Earned your keys into another bleaker world
Blood and bone
You won't escape

Only smoke
Emergency to save his life
Without fire
No longer am I here alone
Earned your keys
Time to grow up

6. Lucid Nightmare

Peeling back the layers of what is real
Darkness comes into my realm surreal and
Pulsing steady, macabre delight
It calls to me beating, somewhere in the night
Oh how it burns

Dreams broken by you, your suffering and your pain
Infect those you love, we share in all the pain

Now! Time to be seen
See! All that has been
Free! All that you think (Let us inside you)

No! Let us be you
Please! Soon we'll be through
What?! Do you desire? (All that I can know)

I sit alone by windows
So silent, meditating quiet
There's nothing odd it seems but
A drop of sweat spells it all out

Shadows with eyes
A force of nature has found a friend
Shadow's disguise
The memories are cast into light

Speak, speak to me she pleads...so kind and motherly
One shouldn't speak his thoughts, just keep to your own self

Why (I!) have you come here
I (You!) want it all clear
Shall (We!) we learn about each other and more?

Why (I!) isn't the question
I (You!) want it all clear
Shall (We!) we take our hands, leap into the void

We spoke for endless hours, what seemed like lifetimes passing by
All that is dark and twisted, a journey through what I once knew

Signs from within
What might be certain might also fail
Signs all around
Life with blinders, I shall be found

Darkness behind, behind the door, it's
Darkness inside, inside each of us
I'm in a dream/reality, a paradox so real

Contact, eternity between us
Answers, it's opening floodgates in my mind

Looking straight into my soul he asks me
"Are you ready to forgive me?" (Forgive him now!)
Now begins my spiral fall into the black
Grey ethereal world of answers, answers and lies

Curiosity divine yet frightening
When left alone the mind will turn on, turn on itself
Opened doorways, let the dark come in
The void seems frightening but it needs you, needs to be seen

No more dreams, the things I've seen in a lifetime of mere seconds
- Time compressed, what's the deal to be struck between yourself and I? -
No limits, I want to fly, leave the world of mortals far behind
No body, I want to die, live as one with the elements in space
- A noble step to the light of the darkness of reality -
- Count to three, then you'll see this has all been just inside your head -

No! I want to stay
You! Do not betray
I! I found you there (I have freed your soul)

We (I!) are to be bound
I (We!) cannot be found
Die! (No!) singular path (for my desires)

Awaken from the stupor of meditation gone awry
But still the pain is with me, and to my right he's lying there

Stand into light
The morning beams of the sun's twilight
Stand up and see a newfound path of your destiny

7. The Rain In The Meadow

Rays of sunshine through the haze in these melancholy days
A mind who's blinded by the pathos til the nerve is burned and numb

Have I gone too far?
A fallen star, but did I ever really shine?
Blur the lines and pray, but not to god, I yearn the flawed embrace of man

I feel the lines have thus been blurred
The catalyst of mine occurred
Bent the straw and broke the line
This new reality of mine

8. Nemesis / Fratricide

Waiting for heaven to shine
Watching the life force of my brother drain away

Carried on through hellish halls; dimly lit, I hear the calls
(You can't save me)
I'm breaking down

Family weeps together and the presence of another man
(Michael Andrus) has just arrived

- I am the father of the man who's dying here -
- This is my power, authority of god -
I carried hopes with me that somehow we'd avoid these ego games and sport for your control

Life, after this life, after this death
(You're wandering in a lucid nightmare now)
To be the wraith who wanders endlessly through space
(You're looking death in its pallid face this time)

Carry me away and split this soul apart
In this wold of mine inside my head
Carry me away and bring me to the edge
To the edge of consciousness and pride

Skies of grey and howling wind, let the combat trial begin
(Fratricidal)
We'll spill the blood

- My son has little chance to make it through this hell -
- His guts are liquefied and chemo treatment's failed -
I cannot say that you are wrong or you are right
But words from you are venom, no agreement is in sight

Life, ending his life, mercy disguised
(You're withdrawing into lucid nightmares now)
He'll be the wraith who wanders endlessly through space
(You're looking into a fantasy this time)

Carry me away to dream forevermore
In this world I'm promised to explore
Carry me away and bring me with you there
To where pain is gone and dreams are real

Dancing starlight
Dance with me
Dancing starlight

Time, time to decide, palaver's time
(Time to decide what to do with dying men)
To be the man who holds authority of god's kind will
(This vanity illusion will decay)

When the bastard son is held into the light
Pass the light and praise the King of Rome
When the bastard son is old enough to rule
Then your reign will end by Mordred's hand

9. Autophagia

"So it's clear, brother
Looking back I have regrets and
Though I know I hurt you
Cast aside your mother and left you
Understand the pain that scarred my mind and twisted my heart
Please forgive my actions
Please allow me to die with dignity"

Wishing silently just to cry and curl up on the floor
Looking down at him, pale and sunken eyes, bony fingers and rib cage

Rage, rage in my heart, dying to kill, pull all the flesh from the bone
Sinew from bone, stabbing to death, all that's repressed and
Rage, rage in my heart, dying to die, easy as one finger's pull
Pull the trigger, end it all now, nothing is worthwhile

Day by day I see him fade
Day by day I want to follow him
Fading time, his mind is dulling like a blunted spear once proud
Kill the pain, benumb him
Dull his senses, just let him fade away
Sleep away to stop the pain
Pretty soon he'll fall asleep for good

Death is closer yet, no one knows when
Helplessly I go on
No one cares for you, no one dares love you
Leave your mind to itself

Rage, rage in my heart, dying to kill, pull all the flesh from the bone
Sinew from bone, stabbing to death, all that's repressed and
Rage, rage in my heart, dying to die, easy as one finger's pull
Pull the trigger, end it all now, nothing is worthwhile

Set me from from myself
I cannot take any more

Rage, rage in my heart, dying to kill, pulling off ears and your lips
Knife between ribs, slowing heartbeat, all that's repressed and
Rage, rage in my heart, dying to die, easy as one leap of faith
Come from nothing, end as nothing, nothing is worthwhile

10. Life Support

Between rage and sorrow
We sense approaching death
The drugs put him to sleep
He's conscious less and less

He will come back to us, god will not abandon
I gave him life and I won't see my pride and joy slip away
I know that I hide alone, but I will never leave you
I wouldn't have you take this path of what I'll soon become

Please
Sitting in corners alone
Please come back to me
No
Trust in the gift of life
He will pass on in the night
Lies
I hope that I may be wrong
God will relieve those with faith
Please
I will not give up on you
I'm bracing myself for the storm

Storm! I will not yield
I know that you would pray
But no prayers will sound while that thing is still around

I just can't take it all, this constant hate and fear
Like a snake the circles round and round and feasts upon itself
I know that you two butt heads, but can't we let that rest?
My son is dying here and still you can't put differences aside?!

He
Will you consider my words?
I just want to be alone
I
How can we deal with this shit?
You've already danced with death
Then
We could go on in shifts
There's no sense dealing with him
Trust
How can I trust in you people?
It is your only choice

Madness
Can I be set free?
No more
Now show yourself
Selfish
Picking on my brother's wife
Stop now
His poor love
Cold bitch
Just leave her alone
Please, now!
Everything's ending
Snide jabs
Leave the girl alone
Michael!
It's good that my brother can't see

Now
Watching the strength in her heart
Tolerance comes to an end
So
Now you can see why I left
Stories have come to life
Yes
A glimpse into broken minds
Everyone carries burden
But
Don't let it fester in you
I know that it's my sacrifice

11. At The Expense Of Humanity

Cast aside the impulse of my fear
Leave behind the world you once held dear

I feel cursed by heaven
Cut loose my frustrations
Lead to darkest waters
Treading in the void of death

I'm ready to deny (the body of your waking life)
I'm ready to defy

Fall asleep, I'll meet you there (Burning the fray!)
Sacrifice your waking life
Count the sheep until you fade (Burning the fray!)
Then your feet will touch the shore

He gasps, raspy breathing
No more life support and
He's swimming on his own
Circling the void he will roam

I watch my brother die
(The mind of your waking life)
I ask the heavens, "Why?"

Fall asleep, I'll meet you there (Burning the fray!)
Swirling mist coils round your feet
Fall asleep, I'll meet you there (Burning the fray!)
Almost like a twisted dream

Nemesis starts at our hearts, again with his fights and righteous scorn
Mother is done, rebuking him, rage of paternal love divine
"Get out", she says, "leave her alone, you're heartless and vile, I want you out!"
After she's done, Jared is gone...flat-lined as if he saw it all

And now, after all
He sees his own son dead
And flees into hallways
As we're left with just a corpse

Fall asleep, I'll meet you there (Burning the fray!)
Slip your feet into the warm
Fall asleep, I'll meet you there (Burning the fray!)
Leave your mortal shell behind

12. How Long Can You Live Forever?

Resting in fields of a nebula, I rise from my throne of stars
There to my right is a gaseous form, and I speak but no words come forth

Colors burn the human eye
Godlike structures etched in time
Paradox of change divine, cast from shadows
We're all one creature, life form, cell, and form divine
I am bleeding into the cup of immortality

Mockery of human form
Spirit child, you're now reborn
Enter through these astral gates, fly beyond and seal your fate
Dreaming of you now, wondering if you're still here
Move through the arches, the dark behind the doorway now

Glitches of gold in the sky above me, wince at its light as you cry in glory
Now that you have eternity at your hands, will you find all you sought before?

Fantasy renewed yet different
Given life anew but skewed and warped

You've made the progress and done me proud
I'll call you family and lift the shroud
Bestowed my wisdom upon the noble meek
There is reward for those who seek
I found thy wisdom, but at a price
Gave up all that I am, soon I will forget that I was once a being with everlasting hope
And yet I learned the lesson, shed the mask and coped

Pass the light, remember the fallen
I will be the King of Rome
Singing songs to honor the loved
You will be the King of Rome

Given the choice of how to live
Honor my family scarred and torn
Cancer is just a part of life
Everyone tumbles in the flames
There is no reason to explain anything by the hand or will of God

Life's a burden, love is loss
You're not a winner when you don't even play
Give it all and it's not enough
Nothing that's worthwhile comes without some pain

13. Enantiodromia

[Instrumental]








JUDICATOR LYRICS