MÖNGÖL HÖRDE LYRICS

1. Make Way

Once upon a time in Mongolia

Sitting outside of a wall
Trying to piss off the Chinese
Start to get a little bit old after a couple of centuries

So I'm saddling up with the boys
And heading on out to the west
Swarm our way to vasting Europe next

Watch your step
Watch your fucking step

Straight out of Ulan Bator
A crazy mother fucker named Genghis
Riding on a tiny horse
Torching the roof of your homesteads

Make way for the Mongol Horde
Coming back to fuck you up
Make way for the Mongol Horde
Coming back to fuck you up

Last time was a dry run
A piddly dress rehearsal
Next time it gets serious
The Horde is gonna get personal

Lock up your daughters
Your sons can die with you
You need a Mongolian mind to imagine the things that we're planning to do to you

No you cannot fucking imagine
No you cannot fucking imagine
No one will survive
No Europeans make it out alive

Straight out of Ulan Bator
A crazy mother fucker named Genghis
Riding on a tiny horse
Torching the roof of your homesteads

Moving for days at a time
And firing off arrows as I ride

A Turk with a ---
The host with the most
The Hun with the --- and we're --- the world

Make way for the Mongol Horde
Coming back to fuck you up
Make way for the Mongol Horde
Coming back to fuck you up

2. Weighed And Found Wanting

Shot in the face
Shot in the head
Shot in the leg both ankles too but he kind of enjoyed it

Escaped from the camp
Jumped out of the plane
Chewed his own damn fingers off and said he enjoyed it

Fought in the fires
Fought with the Poles
Fought in the second war and more and still he kind of enjoyed it

Still find the time
To write it all down
While some of the dead --- the names of the women and children
Still he enjoyed the war

Take a good hard look at yourself
Whichever way the cards were dealt
You got two eyes and two --- arms
But you're still a fucking weasel

And it's not an empty pissing contest
Cause the --- is always --- leaders
Come the next gathering storm, we'll be weighed and found wanting

Born ---
Son of a king
Swearing like a seasoned trooper but he'd never surrender

Escape through the hills
Dressed in his --- suit
Walking solo to the border but he'd never surrender

Shot through the ---
---
Broke up the dinner's and the speeches and he never surrendered

--- well
Better than most
And somewhere deep down everybody has to decide a line that they will not cross

Take a good hard look at yourself
Whichever way the cards were dealt
You got two eyes and two --- arms
But you're still a fucking weasel

And it's not an empty pissing contest
'Cause the --- is always slower than medicine
Come the next gathering storm, we'll be weighed and found wanting
--- weakling child

---
---
---

This is an empty pissing contest
---
Come the next gathering storm, we'll be weighed and found wanting

3. Tapeworm Uprising

Natalie Portman's tapeworm had a sudden and very unexpected change of heart
He said this indie chick stinks no longer, fly in my wick - I think I need a fresh start

So, he detached himself quietly from the walls of her large intestine
Made his way out through the usual exit

And in the bold light of day he heard himself say
"Hollywood is not quite how I expected"

It smells freedom
Freedom
Sharp in his nostrils, but undeniable
Freedom

So, he set himself up comfortably in a small pied-à-terre
On the edge of the Hollywood heartlands

Fashioned himself a sign out of flashlights and twine
Showing a worm called Divine to show the revolution had started

All across the millionaire mansions and condos
There were small moments of horror in celebrity bathrooms

As the tapeworms detached and a plan it was hatched
For the birth of a new and proud nation

A republic of tapeworms
A free republic of tapeworms
A free republic of tapeworms

The very next session of the United Nations
The worms took up their seats and then demanded the floor

There are things that must be said for both the living and the dead
This is about justice, it's a universal cause

Every time you sat in multiplexes munching in the dark
With your teenage sons and daughters holding on to their hearts

Behind the eyes of the starlets, the talent that shone through
All along it was us and you know that that's true

And in the viewing gallery
Winona Ryder
Won the head of the actress delegation

Now kind of overweight and dead behind the eyes
Spoke not a word, not a single word, but just sighed

It was horror; the truth was out
Though the cinema-going public had their private doubts
But when they sought back to their vile estates
The worms took the riches, the Oscars, the hate

And Ben Affleck sat alone in his mansion on a chair made of cash
Cried a single tear for every girl that he'd sodomized
'Cause he knew all along it was worms who'd been tickling his balls
And at the last he knew it was actually true love

4. Casual Threats From Weekend Hardmen

I spy something with my little eye
A walking dead man
A walking dead man

If you look at my back just one more time
Then you're a dead man
You're a dead man

If you spill my drink as you walk on by
I'm gonna cut you
I'm gonna cut you

If you do so much as fucking meet my eye
I'll fucking end you
I'll fucking end you

Once more with less coherence

More casual threats from the weekend hardmen
More casual threats from the weekend hardmen
Woo! Casual threats from the weekend hardmen
More casual threats from the weekend hardmen

If you keep your ugly face exposed
Then I will rape it
I will rape it

And if your girl will offer herself for free
I'm gonna take it
I'm gonna take it

When your mum's out whoring herself for the week
She gives me one for free
She gives me one for free

And then your Dad begs me to watch the whole damn thing
And then he pays me
Then he pays me

Seriously mate if you're gonna heckle me put some fucking effort in

More casual threats from the weekend hardmen
More casual threats from the weekend hardmen
Woo! Casual threats from the weekend hardmen
More casual threats from these fucking amateurs

You dance like a cunt 'cause you've got shit-faced
Saturday night
Or any other night
Simply isn't that right for anyone to have to withstand

More casual threats from the weekend hardmen
More casual threats from the weekend hardmen
Woo! Casual threats from the weekend hardmen
More casual threats from the weekend hardmen

People like you cunt brains are as cultured and ---
For sterilization than I have ever encountered

5. Staff To Refund Counter

God gave me consciousness but he never mentioned why
What's the use of living long if we're all condemned to die
Humbled in hospitals I have seen the bitter end
Everybody will die alone deserted by their friends

I want it back
Yeah, I want it back

Bleak springs of greying skies dead grass and twisted trees
Each year advancing like some insidious disease
Decaying year on year dear God there's no respite
One final lonely breath and then just endless night

I want it back
I want my money back
I want my money back

I want it back
I want my money back
I want my money back

I want it back
I want my money back
I want my money back

I want it back
I want my money back
I want my money back

This isn't what we asked for
It isn't what we wanted
I'll try to be grateful
But, I'm a little disappointed

It doesn't match the picture
The picture from the catalog
It doesn't --- the batteries
And I can't get it started

Who do I need to speak to about this

Post-coital cigarettes laced with a tired disgust
A broken contraceptive conception unjust
Another suckling babe another four score years
Another lifetime for some sucker stuck right here

So I want it back
I want my money back
I want my money back

I want it back
I want my money back
I want my money back

I want it back
I want my money back
I want my money back

I want it back
I want my money back
I want my money back

I want it back

Staff to the refund counter please
I even kept my receipt
Staff to the refund counter please
I even kept my fucking receipt

6. The Yurt Locker

7. Stillborn Unicorn

Some people have all the luck
Some people have it all

Born whole on time and wanted

It's just a casual fuck
It's just so casual
But every fuck has consequences

She has no skin on her back
She has no skin on her back
Bare? teeth and lidless eyes

Her little jaw hangs slack
Her baby jaw

Duct tape to cover her outsides
Bandages to hold in her insides
Duct tape
Bandages

Born a little early
Born a little early
Wasn't what you wanted
Wanted or not she was still born

She was stillborn
She was a unicorn

Cast out onto the streets
Cast out onto the streets
Making friends can be hard to do

When you constantly bleed
When you constantly
Drip blood every time that you move

The zombies wouldn't play nice
The zombies wouldn't play nice
She figured at least they would have some sympathy

But they just turned her away
They just turned her away
She wasn't welcome at their place
No skin and a horn on her face
No skin
Face horn

Born a little early
Born a little early
Wasn't what you wanted
Wanted or not she was still born

Mother was a pony
Father was a rhino
The neighbours didn't like it
Didn't like it at all

She's a unicorn

She should have died when she was born

She's gonna take revenge on all the people who wronged her
Her mother and her father and the doctor who delivered her
The undead and the freaks who so unkindly rejected her
You and anyone who culled their look when they looked at her

She'll take a meat cleaver to the trunks of your body
Carve you into pieces then she'll show you no mercy
Eat the choice cuts cast the rest of you aside
Bury the offal and the bones by the roadside

Born a little early
Born a little early
Wasn't what you wanted
Wanted or not she was still born

Mother was a pony
Father was a rhino
The neighbours didn't like it
Didn't like it at all

She's a unicorn

She should have died when she was born

You should have died
When you were born

You should have died
When you were born

You should have died
When you were born

You should have died
When you were born
When you were born

8. Winky Face: The Mark Of A Moron

--- the angriness --- is slowly coming to ---
--- the universe is --- pussies
--- and you'll never have to waste another keystroke or pen stroke ---

---
--- survive

Motherfucking semi-colon and the open bracket ---
Shakespeare and Orwell must be turning in their graves
Or at least turning their heads sideways

Open bracket, semi-colon
You're fucking kidding me
Open bracket, semi-colon
Mark of a moron
Open bracket, semi-colon
Come on now seriously
Open bracket, semi-colon
You're such a fucking cunt

Lost for words
We have that in common
Lost for words
---

Basically, if you can't make your meaning plain with all the richness
of the English language and you have to resort to cartoon faces made
with punctuation marks then you're a dick

9. Weak Handshake

You know you're actually kinda cute
With your halo and your Morrissey t-shirt
Scratching round the chicken feathers and dirt
Everybody has to make a living

You know you're actually kinda cute
Like a child getting to grips with the big words
I've got a new one that you might not have heard
You are a fucking charlatan (not the band)

In the absence of a day of judgement
Well I will state this for the record now
You are a dick and once told me
You also have a weak handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick
You can fool the fans but deep down you know
You are a dick and once told me
You are a weak fucking handshake

Shed your skin like a snake
Slip it off like a stripper's Velcro hot pants
Like yesterday's --- sycophants an inconvenient opinion

Leave that skin by the road side
--- a statue
A memorial --- tribute
It says you're kinda cute

In the absence of a day of judgement
Well I will state this for the record now
You are a dick in worms clothing
You also have a weak handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick
You can fool the fans but deep down you know
You are a dick in worms clothing
You are a weak fucking handshake

'Cause here's the thing
There are certain kinds of things
That just can't be helped
It's just the way you were whelped

It isn't really fair
To judge a man by his stupid fucking hair
To call him out for his beady eyes and his beer gut
No matter how much they might make you wanna throw up

Then you come to the matters of moral agency
The decisions that make you the man that you're meant to be
The battlements from which you will not be budged
The choices by which you can said to be judged

You made your bed so now you can lie in it
--- a prison and one day you'll die in it
I only hope I'll live to see the day ---

In the absence of a day of judgement
Well I will state this for the record now
You are a dick in worms clothing
You also have a weak handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick
You can fool the fans but deep down you know
You are a dick in worms clothing
You are a weak fucking handshake

Exhibit A: your fucking legacy
Exhibit B: you're fucking everything
Exhibit C: you're fucking nothing
The prosecution rests

10. Your Problem

Progress
Progress
Which kind of leaves a question

From what?
To where?

Lord spare me from idiots wrapped
Snug in their radical politics

All their ideals smelling so sweet
Still kept in the boxes they bought them in
---

Lord spare me from charlatan cheats
Who went down to the old cowboy store

And put on all the white hats
Like that's some kind of fucking argument winner

Progress
Progress
Which kind of leaves a question

From what?
To where?
Back to the playground

And your problem is you're all cunts
And while you put on an impressive front
Of understanding the ways of the world
And maybe even having slept with a girl

Yeah the truth is I can see right through
Because I used to think just like you
Back when I was an adolescent
But since then I've learnt a couple of lessons

That your intentions are beside the point
It's the outcome of your actions that count
If your intentions are pure when you fuck me
I'll still get the STDs

Lord spare me from idiots wrapped
Snug in their radical politics

All their ideals smelling so sweet
Still kept in the boxes they bought them in

All animals are equal but some are pigs
All animals are equal but some are pigs, so much pigs
All animals are equal but some are pigs
All animals are equal but some are pigs, so much pigs
All animals are equal but some are pigs
All animals are equal but some are pigs, so much fucking pigs

11. How The Communists Ruined Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all throughout the house
Not a creature dared disagree
Yeah, not even a mouse

With their communist Dogma
With their Soviet creed
No Christmas decorations here
No presents under the tree

Down the chimney
Came Karl Marx dressed in a Father Christmas suit

Smiling broadly
Rotting face, flowing beard, snow on his boots
Snow on his boots

He said gather round children
I have a secret to tell
I know you've followed me faithfully this far
But the truth is well

You must have thought I was joking
That I was taking the piss
You all claim to think I'm a genius
But a genius would never want this

Guarantee the dream
Grinding down until it's all a tirade of decay

People fed stuff
--- condone and they don't obey

It always ends the same

And little Vladimir
And little Josef
And little Fidel
And little Mau
And little Che
They all realized
They look like dickheads
And everything they had built now is slipping away

And that's why
They decided
To kill Karl
And burn his fucking body

They blow out his brains and they scatter his remains
Tell us all how it's not Father Christmas

They blow out his brains and they scatter his remains
Tell us all how it's not Father Christmas

They blow out his brains and they scatter his remains
Tell us all how it's not Father Christmas

They blow out his brains and they scatter his remains
Tell us all how it's not Santa Claus

12. Blistering Blue Barnacles

I never was an easy child
I had a lot of fights at school
The careers adviser said to me
Here's what I think you should do

Now you could be a sailor or
Maybe you could have your own ship
If you had an oil tanker
You wouldn't have to take no shit

I am the captain of this ship
And I will be obeyed
If you're not standing on the bridge
Then you're a galley slave

I sailed across the ocean, blue
I traveled round the seven seas
And up the coast of So-ma-li-a
Some pirates boarded me

And after about half an hour
The stupid motherfuckers knew
That when they tried to board my vessel
They bit off more than they could ever chew

I am the captain of this ship
And I will be obeyed
If you're not standing on the bridge
Then you're a galley slave

This deck, it will not wash itself
So get down on your knees
The sails they will not raise themselves
So get up in the breeze

Your back it will not whip itself
So bare your shoulders, please
My balls they will not wash themselves
So get down on your knees

I am the captain of this ship
And I will be obeyed
If you're not standing on the bridge
Then you're a galley slave

I am the captain of this ship
And I will be obeyed
If you're not standing on the bridge
You must be a galley slave

Row
You maggot-ridden dogs
Row

13. Hey Judas

John Archibald Wheeler once said that time is just nature's way of stopping everything from happening at once
As if the universe had a limited amount of bandwidth or a low RAM like an early 80's games console
Certainly without time things would make a lot less sense than they already do
And there's a whole host of reasons why time travel wouldn't work

If butterflies flap their wings to make hurricanes
Then crash-landing a DeLorean in the Cretaceous is gonna derail every little step of the pathway
From the garage where you built the thing in the first place
Back around to your parents fucking before an open fire on their second date

But we're scientists right open like new flowers to inquire into the universe, new ideas and new paradigms
And it might just be that our under-evolved ape-brains can't yet conceive the permutations and contortions of logic
That could lead from how we understand the world now to how it could be
That the wormholes and shortcuts that might throw Einstein for a loop but make the whole thing somehow impossibly possible

So, here's the deal
You have a time machine
The question is
What are you gonna do with it

I tell you something and you have to make plans
Arm yourself with a paper and pen
Hop your way through every Top 40 hit since The Hit Parade started and make a list

Learn all the words, remember the tunes
Make sure you have it all written down
Set the dial to where you're heading to
The year before Elvis: 1952

Now, welcome to your alternative life
You are the king of rock and roll insurmountably high

You have the songs you are the king of radio
React to every fashion like you knew exactly which way to go

It just seems to be effortless
The way you write them in ten minutes or less

They're gonna know but they just can't explain how you
Took their inner secrets and spewed them our your mouth
Before they could write them down

But, wait a minute
Seriously, wait a minute
This has happened before
I swear this has happened before

There were those two weird kids from Liverpool
They came out of nowhere
Wait a minute
John and Paul something

Paul McCartney and John Lennon
Came back from a different future
Armed with notebooks filled up with songs
Stolen from kids who now stay at home

Paul McCartney and John Lennon
Came back from a different future
Armed with notebooks filled up with songs
Stolen from kids who now stay at home

Mark Chapman was sent back in time
To assassinate John Lennon
Paul is left but the questions is
Who will be the T-1000?

Mark Chapman was sent back in time
To assassinate John Lennon
Paul is left but the questions is
Who will be the T-1000?

Keith Richards
Keith Richards
Keith Richards
Think about it
He can't be killed
He will not die
Keith Richards
Keith Richards is a T-1000

Keith Richards
Keith Richards
Keith Richards
Think about it
He can't be killed
He will not die
Keith Richards is a T-1000
Keith Richards is a T-1000

Watch your back, Paul
Seriously, man
Watch your back







MÖNGÖL HÖRDE LYRICS