MY RUIN LYRICS

1. Prologue

[The musicians began to tune up though it seemed a pointless exercise considering the type of music they were going to play...]

2. Terror

TERROR...
This is what you call me...
I strike terror among men I can't be bothered by what they think I bare my cross, my soul, myself I forgive ...
but I never forget I've been put upon this earth in FEMALE form But I can handle myself with the best of you
as well as the worst and I often have I have the right to remain silent but I choose to speak, sing, scream I am LIPS, HIPS, TITS...
I AM THE POWER OF A WOMAN STRONG like music true like friendship but without my friends there would be no music... only spoken word... fucker... fucker!
I am able to change so I live without regret, without remorse
Only a remix I am drunk, I am sober.
Heaven doesn't want me and hell's afraid I'll take over.
Don't bother trying to censor me, or shut me up because it won't work.
I am cold and distant yet warm and close to those who deserve to see that side of me part of me... the heart of me.
You find me so hard to understand in your world, the world you perceive to be so normal I am deformed... scorned, reborn I am me and I know exactly who I am, what I am and the wrath that I bring the ugly beauty, the lying truth, the virgin whore... the quiet storm a lover, a fighter, a saint, a sinner, a sister, a daughter old school...... a beginner.
I have decorated myself with love, hate, truth... you all of you, both of you, none of you... more than one of you fucker... fucker!
with lips like sugar, eyes like meat.
I've watched men come, go and cheat I sleep to dream and dream of sleep.
I had a dream Joe that you were standing in the middle of an open road.
I had a dream Joe that your hands were raised up to the sky and your mouth was covered in foam.
I've been crucified, justified and mortified by my behaviour, both feminine and masculine.
I am a contradiction, a juxtapostion.
my relief is my release and only time will tell all is well that ends well.
I am unsweetened, unclean... been called drama queen, ex-girlfriend, ex-member... the tantrum, the temper I point my finger...
take the blame and this time I will own the name because no-one is going to ruin me, if I have to I WILL RUIN
MYSELF AND IT WILL BE 'MY RUIN' FUCKER! fucker! fucker! fucker! FUCKER!

3. Preacher

It was a long time ago longer now than it seems.
A place that perhaps you have seen in your dreams...
welcome to my world, is it what you thought it would be?
I'm trapped inside this hell between blood queen and purgatory a coop filled covered hall, a tattooed baby doll,
I've got the devil in my corner and Jesus on my wall.

[chorus]

today is an oatmeal day I feel like a monster babe preacher, save me with your call and I will be your little miss scareall.
One eye's green, one eye's blue.
Demons, angels, a love that's true catch me as I start to fall, let me be your little miss scareall.
Halloween is over but I will keep you scared,
take you to the fright side I know you'll come prepared, be your deadly nightshade, turn your christmas black and you can be my johnny homicidal maniac

[chorus]

Forgive me preacher for I have sinned.
It's been 3 weeks since my first confession.
I am the one...
hiding under your bed.
My teeth are sharp, my lips are red,
I am the one...
hiding under your stairs with snakes and spiders in her hair
I feel like a monster babe little miss scareall,
I feel like a monster babe. little miss scareall - LITTLE MISS SCAREALL!

I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER BABE
LITTLE MISS SCAREALL! LITTLE MISS SCAREALL! (I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER BABE)
LITTLE MISS SCAREALL! (I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER BABE)
LITTLE MISS SCAREALL (I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER - FEEL LIKE A MONSTER)
I feel like a monster babe...

4. Tainted Love

Sometimes I feel I've got to run away,
I've got to get away from the pain you drive into the heart of me
The love we share seems to go nowhere
and I've lost my light for I toss and turn I can't sleep at night....

Once I ran to you,
Now I'll run from you,
This tainted love you've given,
I give you all a girl could give you,
take my tears and that's not nearly all...
Tainted love, tainted love.

Now I know I've got to run away
I've got to get away,
You don't really want anymore from me to make things right you need someone to hold you tight,
And you'll think love is to pray but I'm sorry I don't pray that way.

Once I ran to you,
Now I run from you,
This tainted love you've given,
I give you all a girl could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all.
Tainted love tainted love,
Don't touch me please I cannot stand the way you tease.

I love you though you hurt me so now it's time you pack your things and go.
Tainted love, tainted love
Touch me baby tainted love,
don't touch me baby tainted love,
Touch me baby tainted love,
Don't touch me baby tainted love...
Tainted love. Tainted love

Tainted love. Tainted love
Tainted love. Tainted love

5. Blasphemous Girl

GOD...

Drunk with sin she sits in her skin,
Filled with anger fueled by liquer drowns in dreams
With no saviour from the truth none can save her
He is her own personal Jesus and he will not be her last
God wants a piece of her ass
God wants a piece of my ass...

I am...
a blasphemous girl
I am...
a blasphemous girl
I am...
a blasphemous girl
I am...
a blasphemous girl

Magnum mouthed I shoot to kill
You murder me with lies and guilt strangle me...
With tragic hands
God wants a piece of her ass
God wants a piece of my ass...

I am...
a blasphemous girl
I am...
a blasphemous girl
I am...
stab me...
like a stalker rape me...
like a hero stab me...
like a stalker rape me...
and be my hero bless me darling and I will forgive you
eloquent and full of grace you speak in tongues
behind my back a dry lung vocal martyr
I will suffer for my lover
I will suffer for his sins
I will suffer for my lover
I am suffering for him
torture me with timelessness
worship my fist with every kiss
resurection of my pain drag me down our memory lane
introduce me to devotion
leave me numb with no emotion
stars surround you when I feel you
you look better when I cannot see...
you... honesty...
looks good on you but liar should be your tattoo...

6. Close Your Eyes

This place is hell to me and I can never get no sleep
there's a devil in my bed with me whose talk is cheap.
You feel like heaven to me all I wanna do is sleep
you're like an angel lyin' next to me
you look so sweet close your eyes and lets pretend
remember why we're just friends

my tangled hair will weave a web of lies within my sheets
and in the morning I'll be nailed where he crucified me
your blackened hair will leave a stain inside my mind so deep
and when tomorrow comes I'll wish that you would worship me
close your eyes and lets pretend.
remember why we're just friends

There must be a storm in London tonight because it's cold and raining hard
my body aches, my lover waits,
I pick the scabs from my arms there must be a storm in LA tonight
because it's cold and raining hard I miss your face.
I miss your kiss, I miss the stars of your arms the man that I lust in
he do I trust for he is my God my anti Jesus he is my saviour my salvation
he leads me into temptation in my highest hour
my lowest moment he is my torture
he is my torment and I will pray for him to remain my friend and save me from my enemies...
forever amen
this place is hell to me and I can never get no sleep
there's a devil in the bed with me whose talk is...
cheap.

7. Absolution

I wanna live in the pretty sun
but daylight just makes me numb
so I cover up my scars with velvet drapes that kill rockstars,
change my mood lick my wounds.
Trust will lead us to the truth
drown myself in misery
sleep with my enemy
destroy my destiny
erase the memory...
of you,
open myself to reveal my wounds and I find the memory of you
open myself to reveal my wounds and I find the memory of you
open myself to reveal my wounds and I find the memory of you

open myself to reveal my wounds...
I wanna die on the blackest night when there's no-one left to fight
fill my bed with leopard fur
think of you inside of her
suffer for my latest sin until I'm happy in my skin.
Open myself to reveal my wounds and I find the memory of you
open myself to reveal my wounds and I find the memory of you
open myself to reveal my wounds and I find the memory of you
open myself to reveal my wounds...
I ache for you...
I ache for us, I pray for you...
I pray for us, I wait for you...
I wait deny thy lover and refuse thy name first,
last and always, [repeat] when will you tell me the truth?
When will you tell you the truth?
When will you tell me the truth?
When will you tell you... (the truth)
my revenge on you will not kill you it will make you want to kill yourself.

8. Horrible Pain (Within My Heart)

I invoke him...
and he comes to me in my dreams dressed in black.
He speaks in a language only I can understand.
His hands are warm, his breath is hot
he is the horrible pain within my heart
my religion, my sanctuary, my church, my sacrifice,
my cofession my exorcism...
my worship in progress
I have no other lover...
now until forever
he is magic and when he kisses me I can taste him on my lips like an elixir
far from innocent he is pure evil, a sinner's prayer...
a saint's desire.
For him I would walk through fire for him...
I have walked through fire.
To draw him I want so bad...
one gift I'll never have.
He drives a stake into my soul makes me bleed,
makes me whole, drinks me, devours me, intoxicates me...
with his love
hate devotion faith as beautiful as Jesus Christ
he is as brutal as the depths of hell.
In my dreams I press my mouth against his and I feel
heaven... horror... terror.
He looks at me with that look I call it his serial killer
look like he wants to fuck me and kill me all at the same time.
It scares me..
it turns me on, his eyes are brown his stare is intense...
meaningful, powerful, maybe that's why he's so fuckin scary...
because he means it.
Sometimes he tells me he loves me as he looks at me with that look.
Sometimes he doesn't have to.
I've never felt a man look at me like this,
it's almost creepy... uncomfortable.... sexy.
I guess I know he could never really chop off my hands, or could he?

9. Fever

I... I think I'll cut myself
Cut myself free
Now I'm somewhere else
I need to be
Wasted with no sleep
Forgot to pray
Jesus can you hear me?
Nails keep pounding
You push your fingers into holes
Of what my questions left
And as I drown your mouth in red
You fear what I will ask next
I violate your faith
And wonder what you really taste like
Feel the sensation of depth
I lied...
Can't help me now
It's under my skin
Nowhere to go

But I won't give in
Can't help me now
I'm bleeding within

Nowhere to go
I'll never let you in (I have a fear of dying)
I could... I could worship you
Make you behave
I'd tell... tell you anything
Just to be saved
Baby... how's your faith these days?
Do you feel safe?
Kiss me
Sunlight makes us sick
As nails keep pounding
You wrap your legs around my mind
Ten times and hide in me
The darker that it gets outside
Your heats a 1000 degrees
I make you swallow spit
You're sick with it
You're sick from me
Don't say I didn't warn you, I tried...
Can't help me now
It's under my skin
Nowhere to go
But I won't give in
Can't help me now
I'm bleeding within
Nowhere to go
I'll never ever give in
What god created me?... (your god)
What god created us?... (your god)
What god created this... thing called lust?
Your god created me?... (what god)

Your god created us?.... (what god)
Your god created
FUCK... YOUR GOD CAN'T HELP ME NOW
IT'S UNDER MY SKIN
NOWHERE TO GO
BUT I WON'T GIVE IN
CAN'T HELP ME NOW
I'M BLEEDING WITHIN
NOWHERE TO GO
I'LL NEVER LET YOU GIVE IN
I won't let you in
Won't let you in (let me in)
Won't let you (let me in)
GOD WON'T LET YOU...............

10. Sick With It

Sick... sick with disease
deny addiction down on my knees
feed my affliction scared to believe my own decisions
eager to please
distorted visions breed life need life breathe life keep life
lie and decieve with no emotion
false promises loss of devotion
scarred by deceit my self destruction
love obsolete live in disfunction breed life need life breathe life heal life
bleed life feel life keep life the sweet life is all I want...
can I breathe for the ritual?
Breath for it got a need for the ritual can I bleed for the ritual?
Bleed for it.
Got a need for the ritual

Can I breathe for the ritual? breathe for it got a need for the ritual

Can I bleed for the ritual? bleed for it got a need for the ritual
Sick with it.
Sick with it.
Sick with it

Sick with it
Sick with it
Sick with it
Sick with it...

It's inside me I feel it growing nowhere to hide my anger's showing
Breed life need life breathe life heal life bleed life feel life keep life

The sweet life...
And on this dark night of my soul
I will continue to pray for us and try to remember only the good things...
the sweet life, the sweet life...

11. My Beautiful Flower

(We're going to a nice place...)

Your mouth blooms like a cut sweet and full of sin
I prick myself on your thorns and I bleed within
your leaves fade to brown and I watch you die in my torture garden under black sunshine.
My beautiful flower

[chorus]

he loves me not he loves me he loves me not he loves me
he loves me not he loves me he loves me not he loves me
he loves me not he loves me he loves me not he loves me

he loves me not he loves me... (we all fall down)
our love starts to spoil your lips bleed like a rose
underneath the soil is where the evil grows your petals start to fall and the weeds attack
in my torture garden the blue sky is black
my beautiful flower
[chorus]
your mouth blooms like a cut sweet and full of sin
I prick myself on your thorns and I bleed within
our love starts to spoil your lips bleed like a rose
underneath the soil is where the evil grows I am earth...
you can feel me touch you hear me breath...
cos it's my air that loves you and I am fire...
you will feel me burn you come inside...
and I'll be water with you
he loves me not he loves me he loves me not he loves me

he loves me not he loves me he loves me not he loves me
he loves me not he loves me he loves me not he loves me

he loves me not he loves me...

12. Diavolina

Yeah!

[chorus]

this is a mantra for myself
this is a mantra for someone else
this is a mantra so be warned...
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Sweetly he smiles at me so bright it burns me
tongue twisted sick with words she'll get what she deserves
she got what she deserved.
See me I look at you so deep that she feels me
girl tricks make you believe but she steals me I will be her disease
Diavolina screams...

[chorus]

Keep me so safe inside your sins
are secret I watch you live your life in regret
you'll get what you deserve
sleepy you close your eyes but you can't dream me
dirty girl so mean can't clean me I will be your disease
Diavolina screams...

this is a mantra for myself
this is a mantra for someone else
this is a mantra so be warned...
hell hath no fury like a woman...

And I swear sacred as this heart of mine strong
as the ties that bind us heavy as this cross which I forever bear
eternity will be the hell we share what you want
I don't care coz it doesn't concern me.
This is about what I need
so bleed as the needle goes in,
I'm creeping under your skin soak you in sickness and scent you in sin
so say you love her and I'll believe you
but if you can't then you only decieve you
I said I love you and I don't lie...
remember that next time you kiss me goodbye

(And I swear as sacred as this song to me

all the way to the end that I will never let this happen again...)

13. June 10th

Do you remember those words you whispered to me
on that fateful day in Italy Mr B?
I can hear you singing face on fire blue skies
your eyes my beautiful liar
I'm still breathing you can't kiss me kill me darling
I know you miss me can't resist me call me Miss B...
I love it when you call me Miss B.
Can you hear me talking?
Can you see me? red lights my lips she can never be me...
she can never be me now I'm screaming what can I break?
My heart's broken...
silverlake, San Francisco, Switzerland, Lacumza, England, Budapest, Mulhouse,
June 10th, June 10th do you remember June 10th?
I can't forget June 10th...
I remember when we met
do you remember or do you forget?
You were so perfect, so pure like an angel
you were like an angel... amen
and I remember thinking,
I remember thinking....
my God, my God he is just so beautiful,
so fuckin amazing and every night, every night I would watch you,
I would watch you watching me and we swore, we swore that night that nothing would come between us
that no-one would come between us do you remember?
Ecstasy in Paris...
laying down in the middle of the street in the middle of the night
in the centre of you I was humbled by your power,
on the 9th plane...
666 Acacia Avenue,
somewhere in hell digging the hell out of you, digging the hell in you...
my co conspirator, my executioner, my sacrificial lamb,
my friend, my lover, my martyr are you my enemy now?
You once asked me 'Is Existence All We Share?'...
You tell me when you remember June 10th, do you remember June 10th?

14. Masochrist

Come to me
As Christ redeemed
Your make-up hides your misanthropy
But I can see
You're still diseased
Get off your cross
Get off your knees
Dare I see
The same in me
I never thought that I could be
So you just lick your wounds
But it's too late
Trust will lead you to your own fate
MASOCHRIST...
WHAT YOU SEW IS WHAT YOU REAP
WE'RE ONLY SICK AS SECRETS THAT WE KEEP
WHAT YOU USE IS WHAT YOU'LL NEED
BUT I CAN'T STAND TO WATCH YOU BLEED FOR ME

Forgive me father for I'm not clean

I'd rather be Miss Magdalene

Your vaseline won't heal my demons

Cause I don't talk to god I'M SCREAMING
Dare I see
The same in me
Never thought
That I would be...
But now I bruise my knees
Rape my faith

Scar myself
With love and with hate
MASOCHRIST...
WHAT YOU SEW IS WHAT YOU'LL REAP
WE'RE ONLY SICK AS SECRETS THAT WE KEEP
AND WHAT YOU'LL USE IS WHAT YOU'LL NEED
I CAN'T STAND TO WATCH YOU BLEED
For Me
For Me
For Me
For Me...
Oh Lord hear my prayer
You look like you are scared
I do what you taught me
It's your turn to watch me
Oh Lord hear my prayer
Pull me by my black hair
And stab me with your greed
It's my turn to... bleed
WHAT YOU SEW IS WHAT YOU REAP
WE'RE ONLY SICK AS SECRETS THAT WE KEEP
AND WHAT I USE IS WHAT I NEED
SO CAN YOU STAND TO WATCH ME AS I BLEED
BLEED
I BLEED
BLEED
For you... for me

15. Cosmetic

Elegantly wasted and I can taste it
here I sit, trying not to fake this gift of the beauty myth
I can't help but feel like this
bored... of the beauty whore
coz my body just wants more scars...
I can feel them wounds...
I can't heal them
red bring my mouth to life
black revive my hair that's dyed
make-up always helps me hide
what I don't like on the outside

Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish
I wish tonight a birthday girl
a broken heart you name the drama
she played the part long lost demons leave her godless
like her powder leaves her flawless
sugar coated heart shaped pout lipstick
just distorts her mouth
mascara puts her eyes to sleep
cause beauty's only skin deep

Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish
I wish tonight

Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish
I wish tonight

Bitch du jour served on a platter
she's so pretty but does it matter
beauty is in the eye of the beholder
but nobody told her
mirror mirror on the wall
watch her break and watch her fall
stitch her smile and bruise her knees
walk among her enemies

Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish
I wish tonight

Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish
I wish tonight

blessed am I among women
to live and love in such a beautiful temple
blessed am I among women.

16. Sycophant

One two Freddy's commin' for you,
three four better lock your door,
five six grab your crucifix...
something wicked this way comes
premeditated evil numbs
cartoon kids crayola smiles
children of the korn fed styles
but I don't buy your lies
I see through your disguise
don't feel your screams or cries why?

[chorus]
I'm sick of looking so sick I can't,
I'm sick of the sycophant,
sick of listening so sick I can't,
I'm sick of the sycophant.

sick of looking so sick I can't,
I'm sick of the sycophant,
sick of listening so sick I can't,
I'm sick...
I see you breathless and deranged
a little girl who's acting strange
tryna scare us with your scream
but it's all routine
and all you've done is take steal
and imitate you are what you create
you're fake!

[chorus]
I barely recognise...
you in your new disguise
cosmetic covered eyes
just tell me what? Why? What? Why?
You put the make-up on,
take the make-up off
searching to be found
you're so fuckin' lost.... so fuckin' lost

Now the road to hell is paved with stones
and some of those are fakes and clones
counterfeits which suck and bleed us
wearin' fuckin' adidas but something just ain't right,
no substance only hype
with faith you got the life that made you
rich and a punk ass bitch!

I'm sick of looking so sick I can't,
I'm sick of the sycophant,
sick of listening so sick I can't,
I'm sick of the sycophant.

sick of looking so sick I can't,
I'm sick of the sycophant,
sick of listening so sick I can't,
I'm sick sick sick of you

and anyone like you,
sometimes I think I've lost my mind...
or else this whole world's blind!

(Damn! fuck.... there's gonna be a fight now)

17. Epilogue

[The band hit the chords harder than any musicians he'd ever heard. Rammed pure rage into each tune twisting the melody into a squealing mutant voice, banging the numbingly repetitious rhythms home with savage fury, playing each number so loud that with the help of huge amplifiers they rattled the filthy windows and almost made his eyes bleed.]

18. Beware Of God

God wants to heal cancer...
Christians are commanded alcohol.. is good!...
evasion of crutches you partake of the dust of the ground...
I know some of you are frightened about it...
we can go to church and you are naked...
and over the foul of the air and fire
of course people said they're drunk
and this my friend is my prayer for you...

19. Monster

Destroy me as want turns to need
you murder me just to watch me bleed.
I live inside... my own make believe,
I sacrifice... what you can't see
I'm hissing mad and I'm dripping wet.
I have no father, I have no pet and I'll be damned the day I die
your anti muse your anti lie

[chorus]
can I speak?
I will destroy if I speak,
it will destroy how I speak...
I will destroy when I speak...
it will destroy you another lover, another man, another victim of circumstance.
I close my eyes with no regret I know your name baby but I forget
my mouth is cruel and my lips are mean,
I'm dirty minded and I'm obscene
but I'll be saved the day I die,
I'll be your muse, I'll be your lie

can I speak?
I will destroy if I speak,
it will destroy how I speak...
I will destroy when I speak yeah
it will destroy you

I see God and he's my friend
but the devil's standing next to him,
he says my name and I feel so weak,
just like a monster who cannot speak,
I'm like a monster...
when I speak am I a monster... when I speak?
you're just a monster when we speak so I'm a monster when I speak...
can I speak? I'll be your monster when we speak
and I'll speak to destroy...
speak and destroy....
speak and destroy yeah.

20. Bright Red Scream

[from the 1999 "Speak And Destroy" album release]

You say I'm angry, I guess I should be
Because it makes me happy
My mind is creepy...I guess it could be
Depends on what you ask me
(you are my) bright red scream
Girl wet dream
(you are my) bright red scream
When I sleep I dream of you

You say I'm scary... I guess I could be
Cos when I speak you fear me,
My mouth is dirty...I guess it would be
Pretend you just don't hear me
(you are my) bright red scream
Girl wet dream
(you are my) bright red scream
Nothing is what it will seem...
And I'm your scary teddy bear

Love me hate me...
I let you drive me crazy
Crucify me or do you wanna save me yes, no maybe...
It doesn't matter baby you're not so clean
That I can't make you wanna scream, scream, scream, scream...
With me...

Bright red scream
Girl wet dream
(you are my) bright red scream
Scream with me
Scream for me
I'm not mean... I'm just not nice and there's a difference
Thank you for remaining at a safe distance!







MY RUIN LYRICS