PRYMARY LYRICS

1. Dirty Room (Part 1)

So it begins in this room
Where my life was thrown astray
The death of innocence
Nothing will ever be the same

Caught in the slide, caught in a prison
Nowhere to hide, legs squeezed tight
And he shows me
Just what little girls are for
And I'm not here anymore

And even a child of five can see
There is something wrong with this
Taking what I have to give
As I'm taking him in

Caught in the slide, caught in a prison
Nowhere to hide, legs squeezed tight
And he shows me
Just what little girls are for
And I'm not here anymore

2. In My Shell

I am a child of eight
Reborn in the fires
Hidden scars of pain
Thoughts are out of mind
But every time they surface
A shock to the system
Sensation overload
As I become undone

In my shell
Free from pain
Buffer me
Washing me
In my shell
I will find
My own hell
In my mind

Words are empty
They can't convey
Thoughts that need expressing
So much left unsaid
Acting out
Killing time
Slipping up
Losing my mind

In my shell
Free from pain
Buffer me
Washing me
In my shell
I will find
My own hell
In my mind

I'm bursting at the seams
It's not what it seems
I'm just a child with a secret
I've seen too much for my eyes
I can't express what's on my mind
I've lost the will to even try
Flashbacks in my mind
I'm fighting an uphill climb
I've lost my will to roll the stone
Inviting in the demons
To cover up this feeling
And let my world just go to hell

If you could only see the real me
You'd probably turn in disgust
If you only knew my shame
I'd rightly earn your distrust
To think I could have laid with him
It's such a haze of memories
I finally see
I wouldn't blame you at all
If you saw me as a monster

In my shell
Free from pain
Buffer me
Washing me
In my shell
I will find
My own hell
In my mind

Mommy doesn't understand
But Daddy's there for me
Washing over

3. Space In My Soul

4. Soul Deceiver

Caressing the bottle
And burning the dragon
With no one around
It was instant comfort
Sneaking into the night
The darker side of life
Hanging with all the lowlife's
They all
Took a part of me
Took a part of me

Soul Deceiver, True believer
I can keep in all the pain
Suffocate me, violate me
I can keep in all the pain
The demons calling and I'll come crawling
To a hell that I create
The sun is setting, the light is fading
In the hell that I create

Mommy dropped the hammer
But she had lost control
In a blink of an eye
The streets were my home
At the age of fourteen
When he forced himself on me
With guilt and promises
They all
Took a part of me
Took a part of me

5. Oceans Of Insolence

Visions of grandeur infecting their minds
Clouding their views of humanity
Ignorance consumes one's intelligence
Unforgivable beyond any degree

Swimming in an ocean of turbulent emotion
Use me up, spit me out
Pain is all I see
Encapsulating me
Insolence around me
Chaos all around me

And you would hide behind your false sense of control
You tell yourself you give it up on your own terms
Living out of all the pain felt in the past
If only you could only see to learn from your mistakes

Powdered highs and inhaled lines
Lie beside the demons of my mind
And sex was always given to make sure they would love you
Freely offering yourself that was given and not taken

Breaking the body
Breaking the mind
Breaking the girl
Tearing the woman

Broken, unclean, dirty, empty
Crying, love me, hurt me, leave me

Promiscuity, a symptom of past
Human repository for men to leave their scent
Sparked from a tragedy, a miracle in the make
Motherly remedy, a new life is growing

6. Miracle

Once again the tide rolled in today
Thought I'd sink but the waters held me firm
Must have come from a higher source above
But I never had believed at all

I will...

Don't know where the waves will take me
I'm just a pawn out on the whim of the moon
Lunar gravitation's peaking
All alone, I'm just a castaway, until you

By my side
August 31st just came and you were smiling
By my side
And I knew what love could be when you were smiling
By my side
A child's fragile mind and innocence
There was no other name for him
"Miracle" smiling by my side

Now I have some understanding
Through the chaos in my world
Miracle will be my anchor
In this ocean of insolence
In one moment, in one breath
Innocence beyond compare
Through his eyes, I'm living life
For the first time in my life

There is a difference between living and existence

7. Born Again

Unaware I was lost
Until the moment I was found
A soul mate who can share my life
Under the "House of God"

It can never be the same
Now that I've found you
A missing part of my life
When I'm without you
The moment you tell me I'm worth it
Can brighten the darkest skies

8. Only Love

Time goes by and here I sit
Back to the old struggle
I thought I'd found a new haven
But addiction is so convincing

Only love can save me
Only love can set me free
I've been searching for a love
That can make me feel complete

Flying high while soul deceiving
You turn your back and nothing's left
It's wonderful what love can do
Scraping the tracks that mark you

Only love can save me
Only love can set me free
I've been searching for a love
That can make me feel complete

It's strange how things that matter
Can blow away like the breeze
I'm dying of thirst in the desert
You'll take what's at arm's reach
When he lays his hands on me
I can justify the cause
All will be forgiven
When he testifies his love

I have functioned in a haze
For the best of my life
And now it's easy for me to see
What this life has done for me
I'm reaching to find courage
God help me to speak my mind
All will be forgiven
When he testifies his love

9. What Little Girls Are For

Five years old, dirty room
Here he comes, nowhere to hide
But inside closed eyes, shrinking away
Maybe he won't see me,

Legs squeezed tight, but not tight enough
It's never enough to keep him out
There in the dirty room
He shows me just what little girls are for

Caught in a slide, caught in a prison
Nowhere to hide, legs squeezed tight
He shows me just what little girls are for
And I'm not here anymore

Fourteen years old, alone with him
Guilt and promises in another dirty room
"If you really love me ...I promise we'll take it slow"
I guess he might have meant it - until I said no

Legs squeezed tight, but not tight enough
It's never enough to keep him out
Lying there with eyes closed tight
It'll be over soon if I don't put up a fight

Where the pain ends
Is where I begin
Scars are hidden deep within
Where only memories remain
I can tell you my secrets
But the pain is my own
It's always a reminder
Of what little girls are for

So I learned I was never worth as much
As when I was down on my knees
Or giving away these pieces of me
Silent screams in my head
Until I don't know who I am
I fear that I may have nothing left to give
As I'm taking them in
I'm losing myself to the wind
And my cries to god fall on silent ears
Now I know for sure just what little girls are for
And I'm not here,
And I'm not here,
And I'm not here anymore

Twenty-three years old, alone in the car
Except for him as he shuts the door
I'm suddenly reminded what I am for
With eyes closed tight as I'm spinning

Legs squeezed tight
But not tight enough, it's never enough to keep him out
Oh please God... not again,
Another piece of me that's empty and dead

Where the pain ends
Caught in the slide
Is where I begin
Caught in a prison
Scars are hidden deep within
Nowhere to hide
Where only memories remain
Legs squeezed tight
I can tell you my secrets
And he shows me
But the pain is my own
What little girls are for
Always a reminder
And I'm not here
Of what little girls are for
Not here anymore

Thirty years old and you're in my life
And you're so different from all the rest
The words from your lips tell me I'm worth so much more than I know
And maybe someday soon I'll believe
Your words can save me, erase these old stains
And help me to pick up the pieces of me
And maybe I'll find some redemption
And maybe someday soon I will find forgiveness for all my sins
And give me some room to come undone and find myself again

I am here... I am here somewhere

10. Running Away

There is only so much pain
That the drugs can take away
Only so much cold to feel
Before our fragile minds decay
There is nothing left that's real
When you're constantly afraid
There is nothing left to feel
When they are all running away

Running blindly through a sea of sin
Fleeing the past of who you've been
Every time you thought you found your way
Another scar in your mind

The past can't be changed
You're running away
Every time I scrub
The stains won't go away

What was I dreaming?
What the hell was I thinking?
Hope can bring you promise
It can just as easily tear you down

I'm inside the outside
I don't know my place
If forgiveness is not an option
Then theirs a harsh truth to face

The past can't be changed
You're running away
Every time I scrub
The stains won't go away

11. Dirty Room (Part 2)

So it ends in this room
Where my life will drain away
The death of a tortured soul
Never had a shot at life anyways

Caught in a slide, caught in a prison
Nowhere to hide, legs squeezed tight

And anyone could plainly see
The lives I touched are better without me
I've given all I had to give
Now I'm taking something for myself

Caught in a slide, caught in a prison
Nowhere to hide, legs squeezed tight

12. Ask The Angels

As life bleeds from my skin
I'm back there taking them in
Too late to save that little girl
I couldn't live there anymore
I had to break free of myself
Of all that I am, and was forced to
This path that I have taken has led me to a light
My story flashes right before my eyes
I just can't make the distance and go on with this life
But then again the choice was never mine to make
I'm just a child, lying here
Praying to the Heavens
To send their angels for me
I'm just a child, lying here
Praying for an angel
To come and take me away
If you could just ask the angels
To take me to you
"It's not your time" they say

13. Choices

Awakened from the light
In more ways than one
Wheels in wheels in motion
Directing the course of my life
The haze of disillusion
The misery of fear
The sense it's all so senseless
The sum of my whole life

Am I the product of another's wickedness?
Am I the sum of all my crimes?
Am I a statistic in god's plan?
Am I the child with a secret?

Here in that white room
Strapped to the bed
My efforts to end this life
Was all for nothing in the end
In a remorseful state of guilt
My love came back to me
Only to find his words
Were sharp enough to kill

There I was naked and standing revealed
As I'm looking for my father's outreaching hand
I felt all the love and I saw all the light
But it wasn't my time and he cast me from sight

Why was I made to suffer?
What point could any of that serve?
Where was the love and kindness
When I needed it the most?
They say you've got to have some blind faith
It's all a part of the master plan
But take that fucked up idealism
And shove it up your ass

Am I the product of another's wickedness?
Am I the sum of all my crimes?
Am I a statistic of god's plan?
Am I the child with a secret?

It all leads here
To this point in my life
I'm under observation
By the doctor's eye
A path is still before me
A fork before my eyes
But which one should I choose
Between the darkness and the light







PRYMARY LYRICS