TANKARD LYRICS

1. Flirtin' With Desaster

Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', butt mayonaise
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', it seems it's not my day
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', I passed some glass
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', and blue chunks out my ass
I drank lots of apple wine last night
And now my bowels, they don't feel so right
Wet fart! Something don't feel right
Wet fart! Soiled my pants tonight

Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', butt mayonaise
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', it seems it's not my day
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', I passed some glass
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', and blue chunks out my ass

Lack of control, what else can I say?
My rectal dribble leaves a spot that stays
Wet fart! No reason or rhyme
Wet fart! Dinglberry time

Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', butt mayonaise
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', it seems it's not my day
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', Ipassed some glass
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', and blue chunks out my ass

Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', butt mayonaise
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', it seems it's not my day
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', Ipassed some glass
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', and blue chunks out my ass

Now I lessen for you all to hear
Don't trust that feeling knocking at your rear
Wet fart! I'm not that perplexed
Wet fart! You just might be next

Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', butt mayonaise
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', it seems it's not my day
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', Ipassed some glass
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', and blue chunks out my ass
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', butt mayonaise
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', it seems it's not my day
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', Ipassed some glass
Flirtin' with desaster, Flirtin', and blue chunks out my ass

2. Dark Exile

Soul after soul! My black wings cut the sky
Hatred so old! My long teeth ripped flesh
The corpses, I'll take them into my hall of bones
The slaughtered, the entrails, the guts will be my throne
Victims abound! Their wickness is my strength
Red moon beyond! Straight from the underworld
I'm creeping, the rain beats on rusty iron walls
The foul stench of my mouth, the abject evil calls

Dark light! Blood is the currency, and I'm the paradise
The doors of my dark exile are closed and locked up tight
I am the parasite and blood unlocks the light
Dark light! Blood is the currency, and I'm the paradise
The doors of my dark exile are closed and locked up tight
I am the parasite and blood unlocks the light

Hymn of the damned! The fire burns the cries
Realm of the dead! Welcome mortality
My temple, unholy, the altar made of plagues
Your crosses, just dripping, religion - sick and fake
Hell ain't a dream! Hot pits and freezing cold
Sin after sin! Your nightmare never ends
That oily machinery, cooled by the human sweat
I feed them with envy, the worms inside your head

Dark light! Blood is the currency, and I'm the paradise
The doors of my dark exile are closed and locked up tight
I am the parasite and blood unlocks the light
Dark light! Blood is the currency, and I'm the paradise
The doors of my dark exile are closed and locked up tight
I am the parasite and blood unlocks the light

Soul after soul! My black wings cut the sky
Hatred so old! My long teeth ripped flesh
The corpses, I'll take them into my hall of bones
The slaughtered, the entrails, the guts will be my throne
Victims abound! Their wickness is my strength
Red moon beyond! Straight from the underworld
I'm creeping, the rain beats on rusty iron walls
The foul stench of my mouth, the abject evil calls

Dark light! Blood is the currency, and I'm the paradise
The doors of my dark exile are closed and locked up tight
I am the parasite and blood unlocks the light
Dark light! Blood is the currency, and I'm the paradise
The doors of my dark exile are closed and locked up tight
I am the parasite and blood unlocks the light

3. Hot Dog Inferno

Appetite and hunger come
No matter where you're from
Either near or far
Come to my snack bar
Have some fries or have some meat
No matter what you eat
You will never know
At "Hot Dog Inferno"

Welcome to the best burger in your whole life
Order, fool, or you'll miss all the fun
Hey there, lady, suck my sausage for the whole night
Come on, baby, I'll serve you all night long

No way! Eat it up!
Sit down again, it's a
Long day! Bad luck!
See this gun, mister?

Look into mu frying pan
And I will cook your brain
Swallow faster
This sandwich disaster
Have some fries or have some meat
No matter what you eat
You will never know
At "Hot Dog Inferno"

Ain't that good? It's an age old mayonnaise cream
Ketchup rules, so please drink up your cup
Greasy sauce, I bet you'd die to try my tongue quiche
Boiling pasta is heating up your blood

No way! Eat it up!
Sit down again, it's a
Long day! Bad luck!
See this gun, mister?

Your tombstones my wooden spoon
Your order seals your doom
Die of mustard
You god damned bastard
Have some fries or have some meat
No matter what you eat
You will never know
At "Hot Dog Inferno"

Fidding you with black pudding to your last breath
Onions raw will make you fart til death
Finalli I'm gonna cut you into pieces
Steaks on my grill, you smell so good at last

No way! Eat it up!
Sit down again, it's a
Long day! Bad luck!
See this gun, mister?

Appetite and hunger come
No matter where you're from
Either near or far
Come to my snack bar
Have some fries or have some meat
No matter what you eat
You will never know
At "Hot Dog Inferno"
Ever been a cannibal?
Just look at your plate, pal
What a big surprise
The last one in your life
Have some fries or have some meat
No matter what you eat
You will never know
At "Hot Dog Inferno"

4. Hell Bent For Jesus

Play! To the lord
Die! Pray and feel my sword
Jesus died for all our sins
Still you don't believe in God
Intolerant as I am
I will no accept your ways
In the name of our lord's son
I will get my holy gun
Breathe! Your last breath
Believe! And you will avoid death
I came here to mold your life
So you won't walk out of step
Best to be subservient
Cram the bible down your throat

Hell bent for Jesus - you've been deleted, heathen
Hell bent for Jesus - motherfucker die, motherfucker die
Hell bent for Jesus - come, kiss the bible asshole
Hell bent for Jesus - motherfucker die, motherfucker die

Pray! For your soul
Die! Pump you full of holes
It' si good for our ideals
Now that you're out of the way
Spread our word to all the rest
Killing in the name of god
In the name of our lord's son
I will get my holy gun
Love! Love the lord
Die! Love or feel my sword
Searching for the promised land
We burn "witches" every night
On a quest with holy might
The pope finances our fight

Hell bent for Jesus - you've been deleted, heathen
Hell bent for Jesus - motherfucker die, motherfucker die
Hell bent for Jesus - come, kiss the bible asshole
Hell bent for Jesus - motherfucker die, motherfucker die

Play! To the lord
Die! Pray and feel my sword
Jesus died for all our sins
Still you don't believe in God
Intolerant as I am
I will no accept your ways
In the name of our lord's son
I will get my holy gun

Hell bent for Jesus - you've been deleted, heathen
Hell bent for Jesus - motherfucker die, motherfucker die
Hell bent for Jesus - come, kiss the bible asshole
Hell bent for Jesus - motherfucker die, motherfucker die
Hell bent for Jesus - you've been deleted, heathen
Hell bent for Jesus - motherfucker die, motherfucker die
Hell bent for Jesus - come, kiss the bible asshole
Hell bent for Jesus - motherfucker die, motherfucker die

5. Kings Of Beer

Look your doors 'cause Tankard's coming to your town
When we're drunk then we don't like to fuck around
Wicked thirst yet there is no beer to be found
Help us out or we will burn this town to the groung
Other bands will play but we all comes to drink
Unshowered entities that do nothing but stink
Fat and ugly, smelly pissed beynd belief
Gonna spew our vomit on your little piece

We're kings, kings of beer and love what's in out veins
Kings, kings of beer sombriety our pain
We're kings, kings of beer, kings of beer
Kings, kings of beer, kings of beer, kings

Do you really think that we are serious?
Think again, man, you must be delirious
Certan groups claim the have senn the light of day
But we're Tankard and have nothing to say
Other bands will play but we all comes to drink
Unshowered entities that do nothing but stink
What's the foos, did you need food for that small mind?

We're kings, kings of beer and love what's in out veins
Kings, kings of beer sombriety our pain
We're kings, kings of beer, kings of beer
Kings, kings of beer, kings of beer, kings

Look your doors 'cause Tankard's coming to your town
When we're drunk then we don't like to fuck around
Wicked thirst yet there is no beer to be found
Help us out or we will burn this town to the groung

We're kings, kings of beer and love what's in out veins
Kings, kings of beer sombriety our pain
We're kings, kings of beer, kings of beer
Kings, kings of beer, kings of beer, kings
We're kings, kings of beer, kings of beer
Kings, kings of beer, kings of beer, kings

6. I'm So Sorry!

My life is without meaning
Nothing I do makes sense
My mom has always told me
That I am good for noyhing
Metal! Metal!
Ray of hope
Metal! Metal!
It's my dope
I'm sorry that I'm ugly
I'm sorry that I'm stink

I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

Nobody likes my belly
Then don't like it when I sing
My pockers always empty
I have to sponge around
Metal! Metal!
Ray of hope
Metal! Metal!
It's my dope
Sorry, I have bad manners
Sorry, I'm impotent

I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

Nobody likes my belly
Then don't like it when I sing
My pockers always empty
I have to sponge around
Metal! Metal!
Ray of hope
Metal! Metal!
It's my dope
Sorry, I have bad manners
Sorry, I'm impotent

I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry! Sorry, sorry! I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry! Sorry, sorry! I'm so sorry!

7. Talk Show Prostitute

Barbe! Help me please!
Your show is an avenue for the prostitute in me
You want to see my private parts?
Or see the girl that broke my heart?
She's drilling me just to make your day
But I don't care 'cause I like to pay

Is schlager in or schlager out?
Do you care what it's all about?
Or are you bored beyond belief
'cause your home, sick and need relief?

I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I opened up my cloak to fill your inner needs
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
You iron one more shirt and watch commercial dirt
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I fill the empty spaces in your boring life

Is this the future on T.V.?
You watch as I exploit me here
My friend, it's public larceny
Kick back while I get my feet
My world is open for the mass
You suckers now can kiss my ass
The pay-check's coming in the mail
The money's good - but the themes are stale

I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I opened up my cloak to fill your inner needs
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
You iron one more shirt and watch commercial dirt
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I fill the empty spaces in your boring life

Meiser! Help me please!
Your show is an avenue for the prostitute in me

I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I opened up my cloak to fill your inner needs
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
You iron one more shirt and watch commercial dirt
I am a Talk Show Prostitute
I fill the empty spaces in your boring life

8. Incredible Loudness

We want headbang every night
C'mon turn out the light
Heavy concerts and horrible parties
Dying by 200 phone
Too loud you're dying playin' Heavy Metal
Too loud you're dying playin' Heavy Metal
Wanna hear load and heavy
Ready for destroying really
Ears fall down from philistine
'Cause Venom plays in Odeon

Incredible Loudness we want - that's hard, that's heavy
Playin' hard and loud we want - that's good, that's right
Incredible Loudness we want - that's hard, that's heavy
Playin' hard and loud we want - that's good, that's right

Running free kill'em down
Let's play heavy with much rown
Dying whores and lying here
It's so loud it's shread your ear
Too loud you're dying playin' Heavy Metal
Too loud you're dying playin' Hard and Heavy
Drinking their blood tonight
It's a very very great delight
The reason why we do this
Is our incredible loudness

Incredible Loudness we want - that's hard, that's heavy
Playin' hard and loud we want - that's good, that's right
Incredible Loudness we want - that's hard, that's heavy
Playin' hard and loud we want - that's good, that's right

Running free kill'em down
Let's play heavy with much rown
Dying whores and lying here
It's so loud it's shread your ear
Too loud you're dying playin' Heavy Metal
Too loud you're dying playin' Hard and Heavy
Drinking their blood tonight
It's a very very great delight
The reason why we do this
Is our incredible loudness

Incredible Loudness we want - that's hard, that's heavy
Playin' hard and loud we want - that's good, that's right
Incredible Loudness we want - that's hard, that's heavy
Playin' hard and loud we want - that's good, that's right

9. Land Of The Free

Jay walking - and you're gonna land in jail
Doesn't matter - if you can pay the bail
Gotta get out of here
Gotta get out of here - I won't stay
A young boy of eleven on trial

Land of the free - if you're able to pay
Land of the free - if you're righteous than stay
Land of the free - better bring some good luck
Land of the free - but we don't give a fuck
Land of the free - but without me, land of the free

Where's O.J. - he's got money that talks
High paid lawyers - that's why the rich man waolks
Gotta get out of here
Gotta get out of here - I won't stay
Breaking rules that I knew now existed
Inane laws which I knew not about

Land of the free - if you're able to pay
Land of the free - if you're righteous than stay
Land of the free - better bring some good luck
Land of the free - but we don't give a fuck
Land of the free - but without me, land of the free

Land of the free - but not in the bible belt
Land of the free - persecution is what I felt
Land of the free - now I'm really bored
Land of the free - of rednecks and the lord
Please help me - I'm stranded without a beer
I'm not of age - fake liscence tucked in my rear
Gotta get out of here
Gotta get out of here - I won't stay
It's the law and you obey with blind folds
Don't complain 'cause it's you who's at fault

Land of the free - if you're able to pay
Land of the free - if you're righteous than stay
Land of the free - better bring some good luck
Land of the free - but we don't give a fuck
Land of the free - but without me, land of the free
Land of the free - but without me, land of the free
Land of the free - but without me, land of the free
Land of the free - but without me, land of the free…

10. Mirror Mirror

Why do you hate me? What is your game?
You point your finger at me even though I'm not to blame
Now you feel better, but are you sure?
It makes me laugh because you think that you're so pure
Now shut up! I walk on water
I'm as clean as the virgin mother
Critisize all the people 'round me
I was born with the gift of insight
You're the one who can't deal with me
Everyone but me is lying

Mirror, mirror - take a closer look
Mirror, mirror - there's no denying
Mirror, mirror - what do you see?
Mirror, mirror - there's no use crying

Encloaking yourself in a shroud of lies
And with each tale another foul part inside you dies
Are you reflecting? There is no hope
Your disturbed view of life results
From smoking too much dope
Now shut up! I walk on water
I'm as clean as the virgin mother
Critisize all the people 'round me
I was born with the gift of insight
You're the one who can't deal with me
Everyone but me is lying

Mirror, mirror - take a closer look
Mirror, mirror - there's no denying
Mirror, mirror - what do you see?
Mirror, mirror - there's no use crying

Mirror, mirror - take a closer look
Mirror, mirror - there's no denying
Mirror, mirror - what do you see?
Mirror, mirror - there's no use crying

Why do you hate me? What is your game?
You point your finger at me even though I'm not to blame
Now you feel better, but are you sure?
It makes me laugh because you think that you're so pure
Now shut up! I walk on water
I'm as clean as the virgin mother
Critisize all the people 'round me
I was born with the gift of insight
You're the one who can't deal with me
Everyone but me is lying

Mirror, mirror - take a closer look
Mirror, mirror - there's no denying
Mirror, mirror - what do you see?
Mirror, mirror - there's no use crying
Mirror, mirror - take a closer look
Mirror, mirror - there's no denying
Mirror, mirror - what do you see?
Mirror, mirror - there's no use crying

11. Tattoo Coward

My skin is naked, my skin is virgin
My skin is white, white lake the snow
Only some pimples and a big fat wart
Oh tattoed man I adore you so
You're passing by, an eagle on your back
Swords cross your chest and snakes around your arm
I'm afraid of blood and pain
My naked skin drives me insane
You're standing here, a dragon signed your calf
Hell what a shame! I'm a tattooed coward man

Fear! Fear! Fear of tattoos!
Fear! Fear! Fear of tattoos!
Fear! Fear! Fear of tattoos!

You are so cool, tongues of fire lick your leg
I want a skull and spiders on my neck
I'm afraid of blood and pain
My naked skin drives me insane
I love tattoos but I can't stand this hell
Needles of horror, I am a tattoo whimp

You're standing here, a dragon signed your calf
Hell what a shame! I'm a tattooed coward man
I'm afraid of blood and pain
My naked skin drives me insane
I love tattoos but I can't stand this hell
Needles of horror, I am a tattoo whimp

My skin is naked, my skin is virgin
My skin is white, white lake the snow
Only some pimples and a big fat wart
Oh tattoed man I adore you so







TANKARD LYRICS