VCTMS LYRICS

1. Ask Yourself

Nothing's ever been beautiful
I thought that for quite some time
Everything ends and everyone dies
Death is a constant that I think about all the time
Where do I place these thoughts
Who can understand
How alone I feel
How alone I am

Still a victim of my own mind
Still can't do anything right
I'm composed of demon limbs
And I'm still anxious all the time
Bad days and disappointment
Will always be relevant
Ask yourself
Will anything ever be worth it?

2. Crippling // Form

Stuck in a rut
I'm existing in the in between
Still empty and splitting at the seams
Misery, so good at killing my self esteem
The one of my dreams, still lucky you love me

Even when I don't love myself
You make me feel important
Almost like I'm someone else
Self loathing and self pity
Thanks for extending your help
You never made things easy
Taught me love is never enough
Showed me all I have is my bad luck

Subdued, I am broken at the thought of you
You're not the person that I fucking thought I knew

Motionless I've become undone
Overwhelmed by self disgust
Crippling form, forced to adjust
Vacancy still acts as my crutch
Vacancy still acts as my crutch

My doubt was all that bloomed
Fear was all that moved
And this pain inside my chest
Reminds me what I've been through
Reminds me what I've been through

Stuck in a rut
I'm existing in the in between
Forever empty, splitting at the seams
Misery, gave into you like nicotine
You're the devil in my bloodstream, the one thing I could never leave

Exhaustion fills the hole you left
These senseless sentiments I've tried hard to forget
I'm so fucking worn out the devil always wins
These demons on my back keep pulling me in

3. Tape // Worm

I aged each day while stress weighed heavy on my psyche
Night brings a hearse and I've felt fucking dead lately

My disposition is intrusive and I've been having difficulty
Accepting the fact I'm the reason for my misery
Overwhelmed by this debris of doubt, but disregard
Everyone left me to fall apart

Always on the edge and I don't know
Whether I want to keep above or sink below

Spending all the days biting my tongue
Holding my breath until I empty my lungs
Been wishing I meant something to someone
Look what you've done

Do you ever think about when you weren't so grey
When everything you did wasn't a mistake

Spending all the days biting my tongue
Holding my breath until I empty my lungs
Been wishing I meant something to someone
Look what you've done

You killed the light and laughed with malice so eager
We took delight in evil twisting our features
Repeater
Still the same and it burns everyday but the question remains
Were the weapon loaded?
If only hope had held on closer
La Haine still the same but the end grows closer

Spending all the days biting my tongue
Holding my breath until I empty my lungs
Been wishing I meant something to someone
Look what you've done

4. A Lonely Place of Dying

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing here

My body's giving out on me
Despite the pills and all this fucking therapy

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering if I'll ever feel alive again
I'm sick, I'm spent and I'm wearing thin
But I don't want this, why is this the life I live

My body's giving out on me
Despite the pills and all this fucking therapy

As I sit here in my hospital bed, it smells of alcohol and dead skin, my mind is rotting with each passing second
As I riddle with my depression, all under my discretion

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering if I'll ever feel alive again
I'm sick, I'm spent and I'm wearing thin
But I don't want this, why is this the life I live

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering if I'll ever feel alive again
I'm sick, I'm spent and I'm wearing thin
But I don't want this, why is this the life I live

My mind is rotting with each passing second
As I riddle with my depression

I've given life to this grief that I couldn't understand
Slumped heavy and dug my line in the sand
Lamentation that's all that could grow
The doubt you planted I've made it my home
Like the flowers outside my spirit is dead
Took out the dirt and I made this my bed
The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering if I'll ever feel alive again

5. Cognitive // Closure

Still hollow and dead behind the eyes
I know I'm barely breathing, struggling to stay alive
My pain remains constant, I've always been addicted to the hurt
Set aside these emotions, they've never come first

Brittle and frail
So lay me restless
As I slowly derail

Silence never helped me sleep
Sadness only made me weak
I'm all but a memory

Brittle and frail
So lay me restless
As I slowly derail
Ache rips though my bones
Still stressing over things I can't control
Attempted to let go, this vacancy never made me feel whole

I was doomed to finish last

Still hollow and dead behind the eyes
I know I'm barely breathing, struggling to stay alive
My pain remains constant, I've always been addicted to the hurt
Set aside these emotions, they've never come first

6. Beautifully // Depressing

It's been a long time since I've felt right
I've been dying to leave as I bleed on the inside
Was there any weight in the words exchanged?
I'll numb myself instead, let the cancer spread 'cause

You've sucked the feeling away
This chip on my shoulder something that I can't shake
I promise I gave you everything
Nothing more that I can give
Nothing left for you to take

I'm tired of speaking with a ghost
That I kept too close, now I'm someone that I don't even know

How did I become someone else

What did I ever do wrong
As I exposed all my flaws, you built up your wall
I was always at fault

My lungs gave out when I tried to explain
I walked on needles and pins and never mattered anyway
Did you mean it? Or was it to mess with my head
I'm drowning in the deep end of everything that you said
Drag my knuckles till they bruise, spill my guts from the abuse
Sounds of somber echoed through my room
I'm drowning in pathetic thoughts of you
Despite the fact that you took everything
I don't always wish things differently

I'm tired of speaking with a ghost
That I kept too close, now I'm someone that I don't even know
The words you spoke only echoed a growing doubt
That submerged right into my brain
Here I am a bird trapped in a cage

Still a bird trapped in a cage

Bittersweet, this loss is beautifully depressing
Life is beautifully depressing

7. Stasis

Clocks ticking and I'm losing myself to my mind
Bed of nails scraping by on borrowed time
I guess every rose has it's thorn right?
I guess everyone's gotta die sometime

The people closest to you, hurt you
In ways you never thought they would do
Just a stranger that you once knew
We're all toxic people that fill up the room
I've lost most faith in myself and even more in everyone else
Let's just be honest and admit we don't deserve to live

Haze drifted over and replaced the sun
Self esteem dissolved I lame legged and hung
Swallowed my guilt and accepted defeat
Here I lay hollow still face down on the concrete
I'm broken beneath the sting of heartbreak
Morphine to help with the pain
Intoxicate me so I can waste away

Clocks ticking and I'm losing myself to my mind
Bed of nails scraping by on borrowed time
I guess every rose has it's thorn right?
I guess everyone's gotta die sometime

Here's to feeling sorry for yourself

Still the one you know and loathe
Still the one you loathe
Life's fucked and that's just how the story goes
Three cheers to giving in, yeah I gave up
I've always hated the person I've become
Three cheers to giving in, yeah I gave up
I was never good enough to anyone

8. Devil's // Door

I'm better off hanging from that ceiling
When I found everything a little less appealing
Now I'm dulled out and the worst has yet to come
My bitterness and self loathing has finally won
I'm better off hanging from that ceiling
When I found everything a little less appealing
Now I'm dulled out and the worst has yet to come
My bitterness and self loathing has finally won

We are all victims of our own minds

My youth may it rest in peace
It's not the same, nor will it ever be
At the centerfold hoping these thoughts cease
I'm sick of all the things I know I'll never achieve
Feeling pretty low, warranted to decompose
Bent backwards, why can't I let this go?
Desperation tears up my insides
If you love me I can love myself right?

Desperation tears up my insides
If you love me I can love myself right?
A people pleaser, an addiction to run its course
I'm still flooded with that guilt and remorse
Desperation tears up my insides
If you love me I can love myself right?

I'm better off hanging from that ceiling
When I found everything a little less appealing
Now I'm dulled out and the worst has yet to come
My bitterness and self loathing has finally won
Expended myself for the sake of others
Now my mental state lies within the gutter

Volume III of this collection, here's your introduction
Just someone who's obsessed with my own self destruction
Crippling stress and impulsion
A downer that's filled with unease, who wears their heart on their sleeve

And I've done all that I could but I can't resist hopelessness
I can't stop being a nervous wreck
I'll chew my nails to the bone
And grind my teeth till my mouth stays closed

Still irrelevant and useless

Fuck

9. Misery // Blooms

Here I decay with all that I am
Isolate me, everyone come take a stab
Red at both corners of my eyes
Convulsion in my veins, watch me fucking snap

Hate is what brought me here
Blood thirst devours all my peers
The venom seeps into my head
Pulsing through, vision runs red
I walk alone in this washed out place
Just another person that can't be saved

Hold me under, drown my fear
Squeeze until I disappear
Hold me under, drown my fear
Squeeze until I disappear

I saw the light vacate my eyes
Misery bloomed and swallowed me alive
Innocence dimmed as my spirit died
Still mentally destroyed, all thanks to you right?
Heartache I'm sorry I made the same mistake twice

Hate is what brought me here
Blood thirst devours all my peers
The venom seeps into my head
Pulsing through, seeing red again
I walk alone in this washed out place
Just another person that can't be saved

Blade to my neck
Let me feel the disconnect
Let me feel all the wasted time that I spent
Remind me of all my failed attempts
I'll black out once again

Hold me under, drown my fear
Squeeze until I disappear
I'll decay under my own hands
One bad day changed who I am

10. The Past Tense

Treacherous memories just wanted to forget
Madness my emergency exit
I can close the door on all the dreadful things that happened
Until I let myself slip
And give into your sins
Bleed the thoughts in the back your head
Spinning over and over and over again
Getting over and under and under the skin

Spin spin spin

Dragged through the five stages
Now I'm sure I know what grief is
I finally reached the point of stasis
Roaming through these empty spaces

Picking apart my brain as darkness permeates
Forever stuck in retrograde
In and out of attachment
To avoid the hurt, to escape this madness

Madness my emergency exit
You can close the door on all that's happened
I let my sanity slip away
It was the best decision I have ever made

If you don't want the guilt and you don't want to feel the pain
Follow me it's easy you just do the same

I let my sanity slip away
It was the best decision I have ever made
Gloom lays over me
Gloom lays over me

Slightly sadistic I'm off the edge, the abyss, the place where you don't care anymore
Where all hope dies and your past screams
Reducing yourself down to lunacy
Gloom lays over me
Twisted trains of thought, I've internalized this pain for so long

11. Halfway // Happy

Blank face, emotionless, anxiety renders me useless
And I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place
Six feet deep, feeling guilty over past mistakes
I'm burnt out, the light in my eyes flicker
The anger pent up fucking grows bigger
And I feel comfort in downing this liquor
Till I feel it slowly tear up my liver
Depression will run its course till I'm dead
Till I'm numb enough to know there's nothing left
A living corpse until I wait till the end
Does it ever get better? No I just pretend

In my head no one else can relate
In my head I don't see the better days
I'm seeing so many others happy
And all I ever wanted was a taste

Happiness never came easy
Longed for that feeling believe me
It's hard to find I've been searching my whole life
I come out empty handed every fucking time
What's the point? I'm tired of trying
Misery is much more inviting
No more hiding, these smiles aren't sticking
Hope is slipping, optimisms fucking missing

In my head no one else can relate
In my head I don't see the better days
I'm seeing so many others happy
And all I ever wanted was a taste
The color nothing, I'm deadly dull
Lack of serotonin is the result
Feeling the steady decline
Manic episodes at an all time high

12. Was It Worth It?

Clinging to self depreciation and dissociation
I've dug holes so deep relying on self medication
Even with separation from the world, I'm losing to this sickness

My coping mechanisms became destructive
And counter productive, every day I'm exhausted
A ghost of who I used to be, when I look back nostalgia always seems to kill me
Is that it? Repression only goes so far until the layers of your skin peel
And the wounds left untreated, never learn to heal

Hindsight is a pathetic thing, who cares if you understand, when it's already too late
I don't care where I've been, if where I am is why I'm sinking
Is why I'm sinking

Will I ever enjoy my moments here anymore, or will time always escape me?
Sometimes I think I've felt everything, everything I'll ever feel
Nothing will be new, just lesser versions of what I've already felt

Just a ghost of who I used to be

Hindsight is a pathetic thing, who cares if you understand, when it's already too late
I don't care where I've been, if where I am is why I'm sinking
Clinging to self depreciation and dissociation
I've dug holes so deep relying on self medication
Repression only went so far until my skin peeled
These wounds left untreated, never learned to heal







VCTMS LYRICS