WHORETOPSY LYRICS

1. Divine Indigestion

Jon is about 350 kilo of useless lard - immovable
His diet is determined by his abusive mum
She has treated him like shit ever since his birth
He hates her fat fucking guts
"I’m so sick of KFC, I’ve had it all week. Go get me some hotcakes or something from the loose change menu at Macca’s”

"You get what your given cunt"

Carol returns after forty minutes bringing with her three large brown paper bags
She throws all twelve servings at her obese son
Wheezing and coughing hard she falls down, grabs her arm
"Can you please dial triple 0"
"Oh, so nows the time you need my help?
How about you go fuck yourself you abusive fucking cunt"

Some hours have gone by
He is getting a little hungry again
Looking down at his dead mother he gets a devious plan
Reaching out, Jon grabs the electric bed remote, raising himself up
Using all of his might he can muster
Teeters over crashing down on the hard ground the room begins to shake
Searching for an instrument, he finds the perfect tool
The cutlery from McDonald’s
Plastic knife and fork

Slicing into his mum’s fatty tissue revealing the lean meat that lays below
Tearing out a decent piece of mum’s steak regaining the nutrients he lacks
Jon devours all of his mum’s large tits
"You have finally fed me from your breast"
Taking one last bite, the heart attack comes
Looks at mum laughing at the irony

2. The Bone Collector

"I have come here to collect your cocks
Please line up for me, flop them out"
Kelly enters the male change rooms at the gym
Half a dozen blokes turn around
"Who the fuck's that?"

"This bird must be lost"
"Listen cunts I'm not here to fuck around"
Blake removes his towel and approaches the angry looking woman
"Here love you can gobble down on this"
Laughing to his mates he doesn't spot the knife
Not 10 seconds after wrapping her giggle gear around his semi erect tacker he's ready to cum
Moaning as he blows she cuts it off
Blake screams holding his severed stump as blood pisses out
No fucks given Kelly walks out with her prize
She throws it in a shoe box she keeps in the boot of her XC falcon
Happy that her collection is growing she grins and speeds away from the gym
She gets pulled over by the cops
"In a hurry today Ma'am?"
"Sorry Darl I'm just running late, can we settle this now?"
Officer Jack jumps in the car and unzips his fly
Kelly removes his tiny pecker in one little bite
Kicks the screaming officer out to the curb and speeds off Spits out the unimpressive trophy
"That was hardly worth the effort, almost an insult to my awesome collection"
On the hunt for more prizes she heads to the beach
She is delighted by the sausage fest she sees
Her next victim: a buff looking lifeguard
Asks him to come back to her car for a shag
"Gotta make it quick I'm not supposed to leave my post"
Knifes off his schlong and leaves the prick to bleed out
She calls it a day
Someone follows her home
"You ruined my life now I'll take yours bitch"
She slits his throat and decides Blake stew is on the menu for dinner tonight

3. Waltzing Matilda

"A croc just ate my kids"
Screamed Janelle, a lovely local Mum
Hysterically crying at the patrons of the pub
"He took them straight from the tent, got my sleeping kids in one single bite! Snapped up and then dragged away, I tried to run but the prick was too quick"
Screams from her sons pierced the air leading into the swamp
Whole pub stood still
"Fuck me, gotta kill this cunt"
Brad, a local chippy and a hero at the footy club runs straight out the pub
Swag in the ute, pedal to the metal
"Don't forget your lunch"
His mum throws a vegemite sanga into the tray
"Thanks mum, you bloody legend"
Shouting to his mum he drives away from pub in his decked out sick looking hilux
Smashing down a tinny, diesel smoke in the air
Absolutely fearless

He parks the ute just by the billabong
"Yuck, he sure was a big cunt. He made a fucking mess"
Setting up camp twenty feet from the water, surrounded by a dozen traps
"I'll get this cunt in the morning I'll be right tonight since the pricks already eaten"
Brad wakes from rumbling water
The biggest salty grabs his rifle
Darting out of the water, he catches him off guard
His jaw clamping down on poor Bradley's private parts
"AHH, you scaley fuck"
He puts a round right in the crocs brain and starts to bleed out
Driving back in agony
"Help me, he got me good, he stole my fucking manhood"
Everyone in the pub laughs
Pulls out the rifle and shoots the lot
Brad severs old mate's king kong to replace his missing schlong
Have a geez

4. Love Thy Neighbour

"Susan… yuck!
You were the love of my life and had to go blow that old cunt Harold"
Now sick to his stomach, sees the light on across the road and grabs his stethoscope
Dr Karl storms out over Ramsey Street
"Someone's due for their prostate exam
Open up you fat old fuck
How dare you disrespect me?
I never liked your cafe mate the food is fucking gross"
Bursts through the door he's fucking pissed
Sees Harold on the couch stark naked pulling one out
"Yell at me again!"
Wraps the stethoscope around his gullet, Harold is aroused
Crying while choking the old fuck, poor Karl is emotional
"Why'd you have touch my Sue, you're a stubborn selfish fuck"
Harold turns purple
His penis weeps, shooting loads as he's dying
To the kitchen the doctor goes, grabs a knife and starts feasting
Karl devours Harold's asshole
Lou enters the room
"What the fuck! That's my best mate
Now you're fucked"
Lou's brought garden tools to help Harold plant some lovely spuds
Sobbing as he punches Karl on his massive fucking nose
Cutting his throat with sheers
"How could you do this to me Karl"
Lou flattens the doctors face into a lovely stew
"Fuck yeah, I better go show Susan"
Lou waddles across the road, blood soaked hands with a chubby little boner
Runs to the lounge room, dacks himself and calls for Susan
"Hey love, the doctor's dead
Say hello to your new husband".

5. Fallout Boy

Drooling as he cums into his closed fist
Watching his neighbour Dana undress from behind his Spider-Man curtain
Kade watches his crush every night from his bedroom window using a pair of binoculars dad scored at a garage sale
Kade is a very simple man
He likes to watch all the cartoons
His favourite are superheroes
He desires to become one
Kade has been concocting a master plan to bring himself and Dana together
Realisation that he must do something heroic and save her life
But his plan has a snag, he has no super sick super powers to speak of
Until he recently watched the Simpson's
Radioactive man
Chain link fence broken with bolt cutters
Security bypassed with a keycard he swiped from the bench
Kade makes his way through the maze
Following the correct signs he eventually finds his way to the nuclear waste
Telltale trefoil
Dumping its contents on the ground
Gleefully he dives in

He wakes up feeling a new man
Smashes out his morning wank but spots Dana at the bus stop
Quickly gets dressed, undies on the outside, Kade walks over
"Hi Dana, I'm a hero"
"Sure you are"
A junkie comes by and pulls out a knife, demanding their valuables
"Gimme ya shit!"
This is now his chance to impress Dana
He gets up, shoving old mate back out onto the road
The crackhead rushes at Kade with the blade connecting with his stomach but he remains unfazed
"What the fuck?"
With his newfound invincibility, he lashes out and smashes the druggie
Lucky right hook scons his jaw, he's out cold
Like a sack of shit he hits the floor
Dana leans in for a quick pash
Kade’s lip detaches off into her mouth
The rest of his face follows through and splats
It seems he got more than what he bargained for

6. In Like Flynn

Alice was a teacher in the secondary education system
A decade of torment, broken her completely
Copping sexual advances daily have taken its toll
A decision has been made, drastic career change

She has always found corpses exciting
"I want to be a mortician"
Years of study
She is ready
Job interview - she nails the part
Time to pursue her dreams

"G'day love! My name's Robbie, Please let me show you around"
Paperwork, chemicals, instruments, cadavers
Surprisingly aroused by the smell of death in the air
She imagines cold dead fingers on her clit
"Time to get to work, here's the newest arrival,
I hope you're ready to handle your first stiff"

She sees Mr Flynn from way back when she was still teaching high school
The dead man has tented himself with his rock hard ice cold cock
She moistened up at the sight of her old crush on the table
grabs a scalpel from the table and drives it deep into Robbie's neck
Blood spews out onto the tiles, Alice mounts Mr Flynn

Lividity ensures his sunnyboy stays erect
"I was a really hot girl way back then, Why didn't you want me?"

Congealed semen shoots deep inside her from the erupting corpse
Alice queefs Flynny's weepings over Robbie's head
After disposing of the bodies she flees the country
Nine months later Alice gives birth to a boy that she adoringly has named Flynn

7. It's Raining Men

"Fuck you cunts you're coming with me"
He said just before he croaked it
Glen, so misunderstood
A dopey looking weird cunt only five foot, with a face a mother couldn't love
"Fuck's sake, I should've worn the glove"
Said Frank, a devastated father
Gave poor Glen a beating everyday
"I'm so ashamed I created this abomination"
Twelve toes, a second head sprouting from his neck
Little bogan kid from a country town
Almost nineteen with the mind of a child
"Dad could we go down to the lolly shop please"
"No, you unloveable spud
You never keep your bag on and you always shit yourself
We're not going. Here's fifty bucks, head down to the servo and get the gas bottles changed over"
He can't stop sobbing
Grabs three bottles, a box of redheads for dads BBQ
"Fire up them snags, my famous pork ribs
Oi how sick are my chicken skewers?
So fucking tasty"
Frank brags to his mates, all truck drivers throwing beer cans at his mutated son
"Fuck you Dad I've made a bomb"
Gun powder filled milo tin

"Die!"
The fuse is lit
Body parts, fresh organs, shit on the patio
"Ahhhhhhh!" Screams from the kitchen poor mother is wailing
"Fuck! There goes two thirds of my Centrelink payments
What a waste of snags"
Crafty little Glen has died with a smile on both heads

8. Doc Johnson

Sent from the future
A multipurpose killing machine
Disguised as pleasure, the bringer of judgment
Crusty little sex shop open late
Gav drives past "That's a new addition"
Sitting in the window, the toy of his dreams
A pink automatic dildo machine
"I'll take that please, how much?"
"Well how does forty-four fifty sound?
Just found it out the back, got no idea where it came from
A mystery sex toy"
Gav loads it into the Van
"Could I grab some lube please, a ball gag plus these DVDs?"
He races home, straight into the lounge room
Plugs it in ready and armed, totally unaware
Pre-empted by future machines
They know Gavin's a dirty sex fiend
Designed to tear him apart
He starts it up, preparing his anus
"Ugh this is better than my first huffy"
Increasing speed, aimed at its target
"That'll be right, it's faulty, slow the fuck down"
Spikes shoot sideways from the dildo, Gav is trapped
Punching further and further into his guts
Screaming and bleeding profusely, praying to god
"Please don't let me die"
Stabbing through his lungs, a jagged massive willy
Coughing blood, muttering his last words
"Just go for the kill. I've had enough my love"
Piercing the cranium, Gav is fucked through the head
Brain matter spills onto his pet cat Snowball
Another future general terminated
Used as a litter tray for weeks to come
Half eaten by his cat

9. Man's Best Friend

Wally loves to take Rex for a walk every Saturday Morning 'round the block
Picking up his droppings with his plastic bag
Rex is well trained and knows a dozen impressive tricks Shmackos are his reward for being obedient
When he misbehaves he has to go without food and water for a few days
Luckily he has learned how to do all the things that please his master

Wally walks down to the basement and sees his best friend sitting in a puddle of piss, looking guilty as fuck
"You naughty little bastard you should know better
Come upstairs right now and receive your punishment"

Rex is led to the bedroom
His latex suit unzipped exposing his chapped and prolapsed asshole
He has earned a tasty treat for being a good boy and doing what he's told
"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? You know how to handle a bone
Lets chill and watch Game Of Thrones"

Later Wally tries to get his pet all excited
"It's time for walkies!"
As they head down the street a young woman sees Wally walking Rex on his leash
"That's disgusting parading that poor young man around like that"
"Check your privilege bitch, I Identify as canine"

Rex loses control
He bites deep into her leg ripping out a chunk of flesh
"I'll teach you some respect"
He snarls throwing her to the floor
Grabbing her thigh in agony
Rex cocks his leg up marking his territory
Her screams seem to delight the mongrel
He sniffs her ass and licks her face then goes straight for her neck
Ripping out her throat with his vicious bite
Her screams are silenced with a sickening gurgle
"Who's a good boy?" Wally gives him a treat
Man's best friend
Once they return home Rex stands up, removing his collar
"I'll see you at work on Monday" he says as he gets dressed "I'll see you then mate"

10. Take My Breath Away

Dale was a sleazy cunt
Always trying to cop a feel from his co-workers
He had his eyes set on Steph the cleaning lady as she was kind of hot
She only worked after hours when no one was around
The perfect time to flirt
"Let me just masturbate in front of you" Was the final straw
"I knew you were a weirdo, but this is fucking fucked"
She threatens him
"I'm reporting you to Mr Stanley, your career's over now"
Dale panics and instantly regrets approaching her

"Please let's just forget this ever happened my darling Stephanie, I have been under a lot of stress"
"You're gonna regret you ever said those words to me"
"Seriously, can't you take a fucking joke?"

The next day Mr Stanley calls Dale into his office
"I've received complaints about your behaviour
I'll have to let you go"

Dale loses his cool and lunges over the desk, strangling his boss till he passes out
He stabs Mr Stanley in the neck with a Bic pen
Watching the blood flow out
"Looks like I've let YOU go"

As Dale comes home he is whacked over the head with a cricket bat

He comes to an hour later strapped to a chair in his kitchen
"You sick bastard, I heard what you did at work"

Reaching for the Dyson
"You love the cleaner how 'bout I clean you out"
Shoves the Vacuum down his throat and sucks the life out of the prick
The sickening gurgle of blood and guts swirling gives pleasure to his wife

In the last moments of life he shuts his eyes thinking about Steph and cums
As Dale lies there lifeless his wife vacuums the floor around him, opens a stubby, goes back to the couch to watch 'The Bachelor'







WHORETOPSY LYRICS